Another curve in the road

I found out yesterday that I will be spending NYE in a beeeutiful, breezy ivory gown with blue trim and a slit all the way up the back. Or if I'm really feeling wild, I can have the split going up the front – that's the beauty of the hospital gown. Things continued to go down hill and by Monday night/Tuesday morning I was feeling pretty bad. Called Neb and they wanted me seen as soon as possible so Mom, Dad and I jumped in the car and headed to Omaha yesterday. Once I got here and they realized I had lost over 10% of my body weight (a wimpy one to begin with), they broke the news that I needed to be admitted, will have bowel rest and get scoped this afternoon. Yippee. The final results from my upper scope came in yesterday and they said after looking at all the slides and stains, they felt it was GVHD and started me on steroids last night. All the cultures have come back negative which is a surprising yet good thing. This is definitely not what I would have liked for the holidays, but if it gets me feeling better, I'll take it. I so look forward to the day where I have the energy to take a walk, have a game night with friends or just do my laundry. Last night, I woke up with “Blessed by Your Name” playing in my head – I let the lyrics roll as I tried to go back to sleep and this is what I heard, “You give and take away, You give and take away, my heart will choose to say, Lord blessed be your name” and that is what I'm going to do. I'm going to choose to trust in wisdom greater than my own and force myself to believe that my desires to play ultimate and go out with friends pale in comparison to the eternal plan.
May you all be blessed this day.

Still waiting

The final results are still not in, but what's been reported so far is encouraging - no signs of GVHD. Thats great, but doesn't explain why I've been feeling so sick and losing weight. We sent out a few more labs yesterday so hopefully those will be back in the next day or so - trying to rule out bacterial infections in my gut.
Everyone made it safely home for the holidays so it was good to see all the smiling faces. The kids always manage to keep the house hopping. Wasn't able to "hop" with them this time, but hopefully next time! Again, not what I had pictured, but I just have to look at it as another step in my recovery. At least I wasn't in the ICU.
I hope you all had a blessed holiday and safe travels!!

Waiting...

The scope went well yesterday and without complications. They said that everything "looked" fine but we'll have to wait for the pathology reports to know if there's any graph vs host reactions going on. Normally that would take 48-72 hours, but with the holiday, all bets are off. Hopefully they'll be able to give me some sort of answer and I pray that the "answer" has a solution. Each day I seem to feel a little worse than the one before and it's very frustrating. I was so excited about the holidays and had so many things that I had hoped to do. Now all I really feel like doing is curling up on the couch with a warm blanket. Hopefully I'll have enough energy to fake my way through the next 10 days. This is not the way I envisioned Christmas. Please pray that things turn around. I really don't want to spend the holidays in Omaha or worse yet, KU Med.

Merry Christmas

No results so far, I guess the pathologists want to spend Christmas with their families too. Hopefully I'll hear on Monday. I don't send many Christmas cards so figured I'd just send out the "letter" that went out with the few cards that did get sent...
I can remember last year at this time, after a 2009 full of strange medical occurrences, writing about how I was looking forward to 2010. Little did I know what 2010 had in store! What a ride, and year full of blessings it has been. In 2010 I lost a spleen, lost many unwanted cancer cells, got a new blood type and received a new appreciation for God's faithfulness. The blessings and support that I have received over the past year have been overwhelming. For me, the message of this Christmas is one of hope and praise, and living each day to the fullest for we have an awesome and powerful God. I do not know the plans that God has for me but I know beyond any doubt that whatever it is, He will not allow me to do it alone. And if I set aside my agenda and seek His, He will accomplish wonderful and amazing things beyond my wildest dreams.
I pray that you are able to escape the hustle and bustle of American life and see the new beginning and promises offered this Christmas. Many blessings to you all.

Bumpity, Bump, Bump..

Merry week of Christmas to everyone! Thought I’d try to squeeze in at least one more update before Christmas and if I get any new information between now and then, I’ll send out another. Another bump in the road, Dr Vose is suspicious that I’m starting to reject my stem cells and is thinking that the symptoms I’ve been experiencing for the past 10 days could be due to GVH of the GI track. The only way to know for sure is with a biopsy so tomorrow I’m scheduled for a scope (starting from the top – praise God for the little things!) If they find it early, it should be something that can be slowed/reversed with meds so it will be good to find it if it’s there. Not exactly the Christmas week I had envisioned, but at least I’m at home and with family!

"Day" 6 months!

Well, the 6 month anniversary of my transplant has come and gone. To be honest, I'm glad that I've already completed 6 months of recovery, but I'm no where close to where I had hoped I'd be 6 months out. Most of my days are “ok” but very few are “good”, still waiting on the energy and desire to get back into exercising and regaining strength. We traveled to Omaha today (got home just as the freezing rain was starting to fall – praise God). Since changing meds before Thanksgiving my numbers have continued to slowly improve and the swelling is virtually gone so Dr. Vose was happy about that. I have a couple symptoms that could be due to a virus or GVHD so we're going to watch those for a few days. If I'm feeling well next week I'll probably get to stop my anti-rejection med – yea! So much to be thankful for, I need to focus on those.

Reasonable Expectations

I can't believe in my last blog I actually put in writing that I had successfully escaped catching my family's colds from Thanksgiving. That's like commenting mid-vacation about how all the flights have been on time or mentioning on the way to work how light the traffic is or saying the “Q” word around a medical office or hospital (quiet for those of you who opted out of the chaos). As soon as you talk about it, it's bound to happen. Well like clockwork, I sent my blog Monday morning and started feeling a little scratchy in the throat by that afternoon and by that evening I had to carry the box of tissues around the house with me. Ughhh! I started pounding the Vit C and zinc, and had a non-stop dialogue with God pleading that I didn't get sick. I pulled out the Vicks, added extra pillows and headed to bed, sure that I'd toss and turn only to wake up with a full-on cold. Surprisingly, I slept great, woke up with the alarm, no problem breathing, felt great. I thanked God but still wasn't convinced that the cold wasn't lurking, ready to pounce at any moment. It's now 4 days later, still feel pretty good. Little bit of a sniffle now and then but definitely nothing to complain about and yet still I'm leery to proclaim God's mercy and miracle. I privately thank Him a lot, but I hesitate to tell anyone else about my week. Why is that? I found that I do the same thing with the cancer – I've never spoken the words, “I'm cured of cancer.” I tell people that “things are going well” or that “I'm doing better than I should be” or that “the doctor's can't find any signs of the cancer” but I stop short of saying that God has cured me. I openly give Him credit for all that's happened, but it's like I don't want to set the bar too high. Am I trying to protect God??? If I tell everyone that God miraculously cured my rare, aggressive cancer, and then it comes back, is that saying that God failed? I thank Him for every day and try to live each day to the fullest but never presume or proclaim that this battle has been won. I've always been like this, even in competition; try to keep people's expectations of myself and others reasonable. I didn't talk smack very well because I didn't want to risk having to eat my words. And that's on the playing field, this is the God of the universe that we're talking about. What if that's not His plan and I go around telling everyone that it is? If I keep the bar a little lower, it keeps people's expectations a little lower so there's less chance that they'll be “let down” by my God – the God that I love and I believe can do all things and that has mercy on me every day. I don't want to take the chance of shattering someone else's opinion of my God or weakening their faith. So I continue to choose my words cautiously. I guess I'm still not sure of God's plan for my life. I'm sure that God looks down on me with pity and a touch of frustration, wishing that I'd let Him out of the box. He's a big guy, He can stand up for himself.

Being confident in this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. ~ Phil. 1:6

(side note: there is a difference between “cured” and “healed” – a topic too long for today)

God's promise

Sorry I didn't send an update last week. I had one ready to send on Thursday evening, but haven't had internet access for a few days so … Since I last posted, things have gone well. Energy has been good, the swelling in my legs has been stable (initially it went down significantly after changing medicines but that has slowed a little bit), no more swelling in my face, and despite traveling over the holidays, I've stayed “cold-free”! I'll draw labs again tomorrow and I'm confident that those will continue to improve. At work, our office is moving down the street, so I've been forced to go through my desk and all that I've managed to collect over the past 10 years. I really don't like moving so it's been a long week. But, in the process I ran across a couple of sayings that I had saved at some point along the way and thought I'd share. The words seem particularly relevant for me and they must be important if I've saved it for all these years, right?!! :)
God didn't promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow, or sun without rain, but He did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears, and light for the way.

Thanksgiving!!!

I hope that everyone had a wonderful holiday weekend and that you were able to find lots of things to be thankful for! If not, let me know and I'll be glad to share some of mine for I have been well blessed despite this crazy year. Every day is a new day and one for which I strive to be thankful.
I was able to spend Thanksgiving in N.C. with family. This was the first trip that I've taken in almost a year and a half (not counting Omaha) so it felt very good. I was probably exposed to more germs in the past 5 days than in the past 5 months, so I've been praying for God's bubble of protection! Overall, I've been feeling good. Still can't keep up with Connor and Katie, but am getting closer. The swelling in my legs is already starting to go down which is better than I can express and my labs looked good today. Hgb, WBC and platelet levels on the rise!

God, your mercies are new to me every day! I give You thanks for renewing my health and for relief from my pain and worry. Continue your healing within me, that I may return to the work you have given me to do. Amen.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Dad and my trip to Omaha was relatively uneventful. I’d have to say that stopping at Trader Joes (1st time) was probably the most exciting part. Labs are once again relatively unchanged and Dr Vose can’t find a specific reason for the weird symptoms I’m experiencing (no major organ failure – whew). All the scans from last week came back normal. Soooo, she thinks it’s probably being caused by the FK (my antirejection med). I only have another month or so to be on it, but she decided to switch me to a different one in the meantime to try and get my blood counts up and swelling down! It will probably be a couple weeks before I can tell if it’s helping, but am glad to be trying something!
Happy Thanksgiving to all!!

"Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name. For the LORD is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations." ~Psalm 100: 4-5

Maybe this week...

Change of plans – with the uncertain labs, the swelling in my legs and the GVHD rash, Dr Vose decided that she needed to see me next week so Monday morning I'll be heading back to Omaha. Maybe this will be my week of answers! Pray for wisdom...

Friday, Friday, Friday!!

I think this week was a “push” when it comes to all that is in the land of Janna. No bad news, no good news, no answers. Thinking back on it, I'm actually pretty happy that they didn't find any answers since the tests they were running all looked at the functioning of my heart! I actually don't have the official readings from the ECHO and leg scans that they ran on Thursday, but if you have enough tests, you get pretty good at reading the technologist. When they play the “I can't interpret the test” card or say that your doctor will be notified of the results today and that you will receive a call, that's a bad thing. I was told that my physician would be given the results sometime next week. :)
As for the blood work, everything looked relatively unchanged from last week. Good in that my hgb didn't fall further, but it didn't go up either. I started noticing a rash this week which Omaha feels is most likely a sign of some GVHD but at this point, we’ll treat it with cortisone cream. Dr Vose is out of the country this week so no big changes – must be a rough life.
Regardless, I have so much to be thankful for this Thanksgiving, I'll gladly take a “push” and legs that look and feel like tree trunks if it means spending the holidays with those I love.
“If you look, you can always find a silver lining” ~JW

Happy Monday!!

Sorry I didn't send out an update end of last week. I was hoping that lab results would come in so that I'd have some "answers" to share but I didn't hear back from the doctor until today. The additional labs didn't reveal anything to speak of - definitely no reason for the dropping hemoglobin. They're going to wait to make any changes until they see how this week's labs look. (when all else fails, give it 1 more week). This week has the potential to be a week full of answers. I saw my primary care doc this morning to talk about my swelling and she's ordered... you guessed it, some more labwork. And an ultrasound of my legs and heart to make sure the circulation is ok. Will let you know what I find out as the week goes on. Thanks for the continued support and concern!

Day 150!

Hard to believe that I've already been home for 50 days and that it's been almost 6 months since my transplant! I have to admit that I thought things would have progressed a little quicker than they have. My impatience is starting to show through and to be honest, it's a miracle that it's taken this long to start feeling the restless ache of wanting to feel “normal” and be able to do what I want. Not to mention the disappointment that my stamina hasn't rebounded as quick as I'd like. Don't get me wrong, I'm still very thankful that I'm home, cancer-free, and able to go to work, go to church, live on my own, visit friends... but I'm starting to feel the undercurrent of impatience.
I went back to Omaha today for my monthly check and things were ok. They don't see signs of rejection, but my blood counts have continued to drop so they're running some more tests to try and find a cause for that. (Should know those results by the end of the week). No real answer for the swelling but might be connected to the meds or maybe the anemia. Hopefully it will correct itself soon as I'm tired of my feet hurting, the puffy face and the cankles, oh the cankles! Thankfully, I have seen improvement in my neck pain and headaches – praise God for friends that are PT's!
And praise God for all the men and women that have served our country to protect our freedom. May we show them the same support that they have shown to us! Happy Veterans Day.
"...be content with what you have because God has said, "Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you." ~Hebrews 13:5

Lukewarm? Might as well be cold

Happy Halloween! I can't say that I really like this holiday – not much into the dark and morbid, and really not into “scary”. But it is fun to see everyone's creative costumes and Halloween will forever be a reminder for me of my battle – with each one almost guaranteed to be better than 2009 when I was in the hospital. Things seem to still be moving right along, with the overall trend being a positive one. Last week's labs were a little lower than they had been, but those things seem to change so quickly that I have a hard time getting excited about them. If they're even lower tomorrow, I might start to wonder.
Here's my latest pondering - “lukewarmness” (not a word, I realize). It's a topic that seems to have come up a lot lately – in my small group, devotional, the Leaven. To some degree, even in the political ads that have plagued the media. Is it inevitable, are we all guilty? Whether you're talking about work or relationships or faith, approaching it half-hearted isn't very productive. No one wants to have the guy that only kind-of tries on his team. And you really don't want to work with the guy that thinks he's “all that” when in reality he doesn't work much and doesn't seem to care about the common goal. I know how frustrating it is to be on the receiving end of this attitude, yet it doesn't stop me from doing it to God. I'm glad He doesn't toss us off the team when we over-value our contribution or fail to even acknowledge the playbook. He patiently waits on us to look His direction and get over our own pride – always happy to see us and pleased with our genuine yet flawed attempts to know and fulfill His will. I've decided being lukewarm is inevitable. Sure, there are periods when we're more “sold out” for God, but there are also going to be times when we hardly even take the time to say “hello”. I think the important thing is to know what we're fighting for. Acknowledging the never-failing love and mercy of God, while at the same time realizing our own failings. We're just a blip in the grand scheme, yet God welcomes us to participate in His plan. That's enough to keep me struggling to discover my role.
God never stops calling us, “ … show me your face, let me hear your voice; for your voice is sweet and your face is lovely.” ~ Song of Solomon 2:14

Now that was a great weekend -

Thanks to everyone that came out to St Agnes on Saturday night to help me give thanks and celebrate God's awesome faithfulness and power. It was a wonderful night and one that I will not forget. I can't even fathom the number of prayers that have been sent up on my behalf, but I know that every one was heard and they all gave (and continue to give) me the strength to push through. This was definitely a team win!! This weekend was like the perfect storm - beautiful weather, family in town, MU win, Chiefs win, seeing lots of friends, and I got to 2-step! Thanks to everyone that helped make this weekend so special (you know who you are!)
"And I'll praise you in this storm and I will lift my hands. For You are who You are no matter where I am and every tear I've cried You hold in your hand. You never left my side and though my heart is torn I will praise You in this storm."

Party countdown - 3 days...

I think fall is finally here which is a real eye-opener as to just how fast time flies, could it really be a year since this crazy journey began?? It seems like forever ago that I was in the hospital for 10 days with fevers and rigors, in fact, compared with the excitement of the past 10 months, I had pretty much forgotten all about that. Wow. The good news is that I continue to feel better and stronger with each day. Side effects from the meds (or at least I presume that’s what I’m experiencing) are still annoying, but nothing I can’t live with. This week it’s a swollen face in the morning – lovely! But, labs are looking up bit by bit, the sun is shining, I feel pretty good, K’s coming home this weekend and we’re partying in 3 days!!! God is good!
“Because of His great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions…” ~Eph. 2:4-5
(need we say more?)

Another beautiful week!

I hope that wherever you are, the weather is as beautiful as it is here! What a blessing to have a nice fall and sunny weather - definitely good for the mental health and physical healing!! I hope the weather is this nice next weekend for my party!! My week has gone well. The trip to Omaha was uneventful which is a good thing. Dr Vose said everything looks ok. My kidney tests are still a little off but not quite as high as they were so not sure if we're just going to watch it or if they're going to do something. My social calendar is still pretty tame since I'm never quite sure how much energy I'll have - not much planned except watching college football, the Chiefs and visiting all my friends with their new babies!
Have a great weekend!

Already???

It's already time to go back to Omaha for a recheck. Thankfully, things seem to be improving so I hope the visit tomorrow is quick and uneventful! My kidneys appeared much "happier" this week when we checked labs so that's a very good thing. It looks like my anti rejection med dose was a little high so now that it's been lowered, things are improving and I'm feeling better overall! Energy is steadily getting better, I should be ready to start training for the Iron Man in November ;)
I'll let you know on Thursday how my appt goes tomorrow. (If anyone needs anything from Omaha, let me know!)

Fridays - they're still great!

Well somethings never change - after a week at work, 5:00 on Friday is still a great thing! This has been a pretty good week, not too many headaches, neck feels somewhat better, and I was able to see a couple of patients at work!!! I've been able to enjoy the BEAUTIFUL weather - taking lots of walks with Maria. Blood counts continue to be strong with my platelets finally returning to the "normal" range! Yea! The only disappointing part is that my kidney function tests continue to be a little off and my legs continue to swell. They're decreasing the dose of one of my meds so maybe that will be the answer. We'll see. This weekend should be low key except for 3 hours on Sat and Sunday when I'm watching the Tigers and the Chiefs defend their undefeated records!! That would truly be the perfect end to my week :)
Have a great weekend - I continue to pray for you all.
God is Faithful - yesterday, today and forever.

Check out the details for the party and RSVP - (upper right corner of page)

Just a quick note to draw your attention to the new information on the Celebration party Oct 23rd. Took me a while, but details are out. "RSVP" isn't anything official but helpful so if you could make a guess, that would be great. Thanks!
Everything else is moving along slowly but surely. Some of my kidney labs are still out of range so we'll recheck those tomorrow but otherwise things seem to be ok.

Do I want to forget?

I've been home for 10 days, am almost unpacked, and have returned to work. I had a nice weekend – hanging out with friends, enjoying the sunshine, sharing a meal with the folks, and standing up for those who can't speak for themselves at Life Chain. It's amazing how easy it is to settle back into our routines. Omaha is starting to seem a bit surreal, (even though my lack of stamina and the remaining side effects serve as daily reminders of the battle). Even during the 100 days, it was hard to wrap my mind around the reality of what I had been through and what was to come. Is this clouding of reality God's mercy, or just the human mind's tendency to block out unpleasant memories? (or maybe the chemo really did turn my brain to mush.)
God has definitely given me the strength to take 1 day at a time, not dwell on the past or worry about the future, but I don't want to forget what I've been through. If I'm going to endure it, I want to gain something from the experience; I want to be a better person for it; I want others to benefit from it. If I want to profit from adversity, I must remember the trials and the lessons learned from them. (hopefully without physical reminders) – not push forward, frantically trying to regain "normalcy" without regard for the last 8 months. If I start to lose focus, forget all the lessons learned or lose sight of what's truly important, I hope that you'll hold me accountable. God wouldn't let me fight cancer and go through a transplant if He didn't have a way to make it all glorifying. From time to time, I may need to be reminded of that!
“In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith – of greater worth than gold – may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory, and honor when Christ is revealed.” ~ I Peter 1: 6-7

Day 4 of being at home!!!

It's now been 4 days since getting home (and 4 days since updating - sorry :), and it still doesn't seem real. My weekend was pretty good - I wish I had the energy to do all the things I want to do, but I guess that will come with time if I'm patient. Headache and neck pain seems to be less frequent than before so that's a good thing. I went to work today and it was sooooo nice to be back! It took most of the day just to dig out from under the stack of mail and delete emails. Had my labs redrawn and they looked pretty good. Electrolytes are still a little off, but hopefully Dr Vose will give it the 'ok".

Day 100 !!!!!

Not exactly as I had envisioned Day 100, but the end result was a great one - labs pretty normal, no osteoporosis, no lung damage, nothing anatomically wrong with my neck, and NO CANCER!!!!! They couldn't come up with a reason for my funky electrolytes or why I'm having such bad neck pain and headaches, but it's so nice to know that it's not related to the HSTL or GVH. And they removed my PICC line - I don't know what to do without tubes hanging from my arm :) AND, Dr Vose gave me her blessing to return home!!!
God is soooo good and so faithful. He has been with me every day - good and bad, when I had words to pray and when I didn't, when I was thankful and when I just couldn't look past the obstacles before me. And if the results today wouldn't have been what we've been praying for, He would have carried me through that as well. This journey is far from over as I continue to struggle to regain strength and stay healthy, but I feel like we're moving on to a new chapter. I look forward to seeing what God has in store and how He'll continue to be glorified.
"But you O Lord are a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness." ~Psalm 86:15

Day 99 - not like I pictured it

Day 99 doesn't look like I imagined it would. My labs didn't improve after receiving the fluids yesterday so they had me go back to the hospital this afternoon for 2 more bags of IVF. I really don't think dehydration is the problem - it would be corrected by now. The plan for tomorrow is to continue with the plan as scheduled and get the PET and CT scans. If there's something ominous or anatomically wrong, it should show up. They didn't mention repeating labs tomorrow, but I'm presuming they'll add them. I should get the results of all my tests tomorrow afternoon when I meet with Dr Vose. (and hopefully more information about a plan for my out-of-range labs) I'll send an update in the evening when I get home.
As a silver lining to Day 99, I didn't have a headache or neckpain for the first time in weeks!
"The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." ~Deuteronomy 31:8

Day 98

Well, the first day of testing is over and all went pretty well (bone marrow biopsies still hurt just a bit), but the moral of the story is that if you're sick over the weekend, you'd better drink a ton before getting labs drawn Monday morning. My labs were a little skewed so I had to get IV fluids (which made a long day, longer) and go back tomorrow to recheck labs. In order to do the CT on Wednesday, labs need to have corrected themselves and I need to be healthy. I pray that dehydration is all that's going on.
"I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." ~Philippians 3:14

Day 97

The only thing more up and down than the way I feel is Omaha weather. 60's on Thurs, 80's Fri, 60's all weekend, 87 tomorrow. Crazy. Glad I haven't packed up my sweats. Last night was another sleepless sick night - out of the blue and without rhyme or reason that I can figure out. Slept through the first half of the Chiefs game (which is a sign of how I felt) but I started feeling a little better in time to watch them lock down the win. Tonight I seem to be rebounding so I pray that a good night's sleep will finish the deal. Tomorrow will be a long day at the hospital for the first round of tests. Will try to send an update with how that goes.

5 more days...

Doesn't seem possible that this is the last weekend that I'll be in Omaha! I'm definitely ready to be home, just hope that I have the energy to do all the things that I've been missing for the past 4 months. Rationally, I know that's not too realistic, but still won't stop me from hoping and trying. :)
I pray that we make a strong push to the finish. Dad has come down with a cold which obviously isn't good and has risen to the top of my prayer list. It has really made me realize how blessed we've been - until now, no one has gotten sick, and I don't think anyone has been sick since I started chemo in Feb. It's no secret that God has kept me safe for a long time (even while working with little germ monsters for a year without a fully functioning immune system) - I'm sure that He will continue to do the same.
"I lift up my eyes to the hills - where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth." ~Psalm 121: 1-2

Up!!

God heard my cries! Today is a much better day. I got a decent night sleep and the neck and head are pretty good. Still not making any sudden movements as I feel like it could come back at any time, but I'll take it.
More labs and another visit to the clinic tomorrow.

Ups and Downs, ups and downs...

Life continues to be a little erratic around here. My weekend and yesterday were good. I saw Dr Vose and she used the word "excellent" when describing my labs and progress. Everything is still on track to restage next week, get the results and head home! Last night my neck pain and headache showed up with a vengeance (and no, it didn't have anything to do with too much celebrating as the Chiefs defeated SD :) This morning, the pain was still pretty bad, to the point of making me sick, so we had to go back to the hospital. Exam didn't show anything and since I'm not running fevers or having vision changes, they're not worried that it's anything serious. I took some pain meds when I got home and was able to sleep a little bit this afternoon which seemed to take the edge off. I'm praying that it doesn't come back again tonight. A good night's sleep would be much appreciated.
"Hear my prayer, O Lord; listen to my cry for mercy. In the day of my trouble I will call to you, for you will answer me." ~Psalm 86: 6-7

Day 89

It's a beautiful weekend in Omaha - friends coming to visit, sunny skies, cool breeze and I'll be home in less than 2 weeks! The only thing that would make this better is if I was actually at a college football game instead of watching them on TV. :) The week has been pretty good. Still struggling with headaches and neck pain, but my labs look pretty good and I've started to gain back a little weight. UNMC was serious about the whole "100 Day" thing. They've scheduled some tests for Day 98, but the bulk of my restaging tests will be Wed, Sept 22 - Day 100. So much for getting an early release for good behavior. I should get their blessing to go home after all that is completed.

Day 86

Hard to believe that it's Day 86!! (I had to count twice) I hope that everyone had a great Labor Day and enjoyed the last days of summer. My Labor Day weekend was very nice. Since all has been going well up here, Dr Vose let me go home for a couple days! It was pretty low key - caught up with a few family and friends, watched MU pick up the big "W", and just enjoyed being home. I think the next 2 weeks will go quickly and I'll be back home for good! They're currently working on scheduling all the tests for my "100 Day Restaging" so still not sure of exactly when we'll be heading back to KC but should be around the 23rd. So, I have a new prayer request to add to my list for the next 2 weeks - that the restaging will go smoothly and that all the tests will come back "clean"/ aka cancer-free.
It's the home stretch, we're almost there, and everyone in the "club house" still seems to be getting along!!
"Is any one of you sick?...The prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise him up...Therefore, confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective." James 5:14-16

What is happiness?

Happiness, we all talk about, all seek it, hopefully we've all felt it, society says we “deserve” to have it. But what is it really and should we spend our lives pursuing it? I feel happy when labs show that my white cells went up, watching a beautiful sunset, hearing that a baby was saved, seeing friends/family, eating ice cream on a summer day, winning at anything competitive ;) and the list goes on. But all of these things are short lived, happiness is fleeting. No one can hold on to it. When our circumstances change, our level of happiness quickly follows. So my conclusion is that a lot of the unhappiness in our world is a result of the endless pursuit of “happiness.”
I think trials, more than anything else, force us to face the fact that there is a big difference between happiness and joy. Doesn't take much to strip us of our happiness. Society tells us to seek happiness, but that mission leaves us feeling frustrated and let down. We might temporarily feel happy, but inevitably it will fade. Joy, on the other hand, is different. It comes from something much deeper than our surroundings and is independent of feelings. The actions of those around us and our surroundings don't affect true joy. True joy, the kind that lasts, is that internal peace of knowing that God is in control. A feeling of contentment that ice cream can't provide. Our level of joy will fluctuate, but it can withstand suffering, pain, trials, illness, failure. None of those things are very compatible with happiness so I think people get angry with God when they happen. They believe God promises a life of happiness or that He “won't give us more than we can bear.” The truth is, the Bible doesn't promise either of those things. It tells us that there will be suffering and it will be hard, but God won't leave our side. As I've said many times, this experience has been much more than I could humanly bear, and I haven't always been happy or strong or felt very courageous. But I also haven't felt hopeless or alone and there's always been a peace. That's faith, that's an internal joy, that's grace and mercy from God.
Bumps in the road are bound to happen, there will be set-backs, I will hear depressing statistics like 19 out of 20 people with this disease don't make it, I will face frustrations, I will have days of unhappiness, but none of this can steal my joy if I continue to seek, trust and follow our Lord.
So, if any of you find yourself on an uncontrollable rollercoaster of life, bouncing in and out of disappointments and frustrations that seem to dominate your life, I'd challenge you to look deeper. Is it “happiness” that you're seeking, or true “joy”? Ask for it.

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you...” Matthew 7:7-8

“Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.” I Thes. 5:16-18

It's Wednesday...

Well, it's Wednesday and I feel pretty good! Glad the "mid-week slump" has stopped. Overall, it's been a pretty good week. I have a little bit of a headache but much better than it has been and no other real symptoms to mention. My labwork hasn't really gone up, but it hasn't gone down either so I'm taking that as a positive sign. Laura and Uncle Hank were able to come up for a visit, so that was nice. Tomorrow I'll go back to the doctor for more labs and a check-up. I think I'll ask about the process of restaging and getting discharged since my 100 days is only 3 weeks away!!!
"Ask and it will be given to you, seek and you will find, knock and the door will be opened to you. for everyone who asks receives, he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks, the door will be opened." Matthew 7:7-8

Day 75, 3/4 there!!!!!

Hard to believe that it's already day 75. 100 will be here before I know it and I can't wait. Today has been pretty good, but still having headaches that seem to stem from my neck (or maybe today it was watching 3D Bugs at IMAX :) Dr Vose doesn't seem concerned about them so I'll try to do the same. Probably just need to escape to KC to see my chiropractor.
While reading my daily devotional, I ran across this passage and thought I'd share it: "We all need one another, we can all help one another...At this very moment, someone, somewhere, is praying for us, and our soul is revitalized by the generosity of people whom perhaps we do not know, or of someone unsuspected, very close beside us. Some day, when we enter God's presence in the moment of the particular judgement, we will finally see the sum total of all the effort that on many perilous occasions kept us afloat, and which on others helped us to draw a little closer to our Lord." Thank you for going through this battle with me and helping to keep me "afloat".

Day 73

Today is better than yesterday, almost back to self. I had more labs drawn today and everything looked OK except that my WBC's are a little low this week. Maybe that's why I haven't felt the best but who knows. We'll take it one day at a time and see what tomorrow brings.

Day 72

Not sure what it is about Wednesdays, but today was another rough around the edges kind-of day. Laid low, lots of sleeping. I pray that it's another short bout and that things are back to "normal" tomorrow. I was planning to blog something profound and thought provoking today but I guess that will have to wait. :)
"His left arm is under my head and His right arm embraces me."
~Song of Solomon 2:6

Happy Monday to everyone. I hope you all had wonderful weekends and am happy to let you know that I survived mine and everyone seemed healthy! I probably over-did it a couple times, but nothing a little rest didn't remedy. Tomorrow I'm back to the doctor for more of the same. Hopefully she's still pleased with my status. Last week she indicated that this is the time when most allo-transplant patients are having problems, so let's just continue praying that I will avoid GVH (rejection)!!
A couple quick things - I've had some people ask about how to post notes on the blog page - all you need to do is click on "Messages to Janna" at the top and then scroll to the bottom of the page. If you don't have a google account or one of the others listed in the drop down menu at the bottom of the message box, just select "anonymous" and it should post it.
Second - after I get home, we're going to have a party to celebrate God's faithfulness. Details are still in the works, but the date is going to be Sat. Oct 23rd. Everyone's invited!

A new day, same faithful God!

Great news - I slept better last night than I have in 70 days (might be due to the meds I was taking) and today I feel almost back to the way I did before Wednesday's little detour. Praise God. Thank you for all your prayers! Now we just need to pray that Lisa's family is healthy. I hope you all have a great weekend. Miss you!

Day 65, little set-back

Yesterday was a great day, doctor's appointment went really well and again, they expressed how pleased they are with my progress. However, last night, like turning a light switch, I was sick. It was a long night and today has been pretty quiet with lots of sleeping. No fevers so I didn't go to the hospital since I have to go tomorrow anyway. I pray that this is just a fluke, maybe something I ate or who knows what, just that it goes away as quickly as it came and that it's not an early sign of rejection. Lisa and her family are coming to town this weekend so I have a couple of new prayer requests - 1: that I feel better tomorrow and that this is not rejection, and 2: that Lisa and her family have safe travels and that everyone is healthy!
"For He will command His angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways; they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone." ~ Psalm 91: 11-12

Follow-up to Fri.

Side-note to Friday's question about how people respond to medical life-changing challenges: heard this on the news today, per the Pisa National Research Council, "The statistics suggest that the mortality rate for a liver transplant patient who does not believe in God is three times higher than for those who do - 20.5 per cent compared to 6.6 per cent." Just thought I'd pass it along. As for me, doing well - had a great weekend. Will write more later.

What makes the difference?

Day 59 was a full one for me. Dad took us on an outing this afternoon to the airforce museum and then we checked out Mahoney State Park - a nice day trip and good break from the apt. This morning I was back at the hospital, all my labs looked ok - Hgb was in the normal range for the first time in months! The energy surplus is amazing ;) Platelets are still lower than I'd like but if we play by last year's rules, still high enough to participate in volleyball and flag football (if you don't ask your doc for permission).
I also had a PT consult and while I sat in the waiting room, doing the typical people watching, it hit home that medical tragedies can effect people so differently. There seems to be primarily 2 groups, maybe 3. One group comes out completely bitter, angry at the world, walks around with a chip on their shoulder, appearing completely satisfied being the victim. But there's amazingly another large group that comes out with a different outlook, more grateful and gracious, appreciating people and life. When working at Children's, the personality of children that had been through unbelievable trials were sometimes the sweetest, most patient kids. I guess there's also a 3rd group that emerges unaffected, but I think that is the exception. I don't really know why this hit me today and I don't have a deep conclusion to draw from it, just found it interesting and wondered what makes the difference. Is it grace, faith, personality...??? For me, I know that it is all about God's grace because my strength and patience (or lack there-of) could not have gotten me through this journey feeling the overwhelming peace that I have known. And for that, I am thankful!
"The Lord is my strength and my song; He has become my salvation..." ~Exodus 15:2

Day 56

8 weeks and counting. Life is getting a little steamy around Omaha - and I know, for everyone else, this is nothing new, but up here we had been spoiled up until the past week. Other than that, life is good. I felt pretty good all weekend and my taste buds are definitely coming back. The saying goes that "a watched pot never boils," but I can tell you that a watched scalp does sprout hair- it's not much, but it's a start! :) I also got to catch up with several friends over the weekend - it's not home, but a good reminder of it. I don't think there's much exciting this week - a couple more trips to the hospital, one to see the Dr and one for a PT consult - if I'm forced to start from scratch, might as well do it the right way!
God, Your mercies are new to me every day! I give you thanks for renewing my health and relief from my pain and worry. Continue your healing within me, that I may return t the work you have given me to do. Amen.

Day 53, oops, where does time go?

I was gently reminded today by my friends at Village Peds that I hadn't updated in a while so figured I'd better get on it. To be honest, I hadn't realized that it's already been 3 days since my last update! Whereas in the hospital, I wouldn't update when I was too sick to type, now that I'm at the apt., the lack of correspondence is a good sign - I've been feeling good and the week has flown by. We got a little break in the heat so we've walked, shopped and done a little exploring of parks in Omaha. My feet are still a little tender and stomach's a little "off", but overall, I'm feeling better and stronger each day. (and every day is 1 day closer to 100!) The best news of the week is that for the first time since all this began, I had an apple for lunch, and I could taste it!!! (For those of you that know my "exciting" lunch habits, this is a big deal). My lab values continue to fluctuate but nothing critical or unexpected. Oh, and all signs of CMV are now gone from my body - guess that was pretty good news for the week too :) God is good and his timing is perfect - that seems to be the theme of this journey for me.
"He will not let your foot slip - he who watches over you will not slumber."
~ Psalm 121:3

Day 50 and things are looking up!!!

Not only is today Day 50 (1/2 way done!!!) but I just got back from the doctor and all my labs have gone up! It's the little things (like not having to sit in the clinic for 4 hours getting potassium) that can really make a difference up here. I'm sure that I didn't do anything to cause the change, but I'll continue to do whatever it is I did, praying every step of the way. Despite eating a lot of no-bake cookies (courtesy of Laura), I still haven't been able to regain much weight, but I'll worry about that next week. :) In the meantime, still working on keeping the positive outlook for the last half of my "vacation" in Omaha. I really believe that even when we can't feel it or even come close to carrying it out, God knows our good intentions and rewards us for those. Kind of like the verse where God tells us that even when we don't have the words, he hears our prayers. God is always ready to help, but we have to be willing to cooperate.
"but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength, they will soar on wings like eagles, they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." ~ Isaiah 40:31"

Friday - Day 46

Just wanted to send a short update and prayer request. It's been a good week - a few "downs" but mostly "ups". My energy continues to return and no signs of infection! Yesterday I went to the clinic and my lab values seem to be declining (both electrolytes and my blood counts), right now we're going to just adjust my diet, watch it through the weekend and see what things look like on Tuesday. I pray that yesterday's results were just a fluke. If anything, probably a side effect of the multitude of meds that they have me on, but if it continues would require IV infusions and ??? So, that is my prayer request, for lab values to return to normal. (Plus a safe weekend of travel for my parents who are going to KC for a few days, a friend has volunteered to spend the weekend with me - should be fun.)

a sad loss

It's day 44 and I am feeling pretty good, not gaining any weight back but can definitely feel my strength starting to return. My doctor's appt yesterday was uneventful as they still seemed very pleased with my progress. They've started decreasing the dose of 1 of my anti-rejection meds which I see as a good sign! The tastebuds are starting to return and my hands and feet hardly ever burn. They warned me that the skin would probably peel and they were right - almost all of my hands have peeled (not a big deal), but last night my feet started peeling and I've now lost all the very precious calluses that took years of basketball, ultimate frisbee and softball to develop. For the athletes out there, I'm sure you can understand my sadness at the loss. I guess if that is the worst part of my week, I'll survive :) God bless you all!
"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." ~ Psalm 139:14

40% there!!

Today is day 42, hard to believe that it's been 6 weeks since I received my transplant. Most of the days have blended together which is probably a blessing, I'm afraid that the next 8 weeks might not go as quickly now that I'm feeling better and wishing that I could go home. I pray that I'm able to just accept the situation, relax, and enjoy the fact that I don't have to "do" anything except regain my strength. (not an easy task for me as many of you know!) Not many opportunities in our adult lives to just sit back, reflect and deepen our relationship and faith in our Lord. I pray that I am smart enough and disciplined enough to do just that.
This weekend was good - each day continues to be better than the previous. We walked across the Missouri on Saturday (not as far as I had thought) and later that evening I was able to catch up with good friends from KC. Tomorrow it's back to the clinic for more labs and to get results from last week's - I picked up CMV (a virus) while in the hospital s they've been treating me and watching it closely. Hopefully numbers are going down so that I can get off the medicine!
"But it is good for me to draw near to God. I have made the sovereign Lord my refuge." ~Psalm 73:28

Day 39

Just a quick update to wish everyone a Happy Friday and a good weekend and let you know that things are going well today. Feet are virtually pain free and even when they do hurt it's tolerable. I went to the clinic today and they continued to be pleased with my labs and progress. Since they've obviously done this before, I'll take their word for it. It's a little warm and humid today so probably won't get a walk in but tomorrow it's supposed to cool down so I think we're going to take a field trip to some pedestrian bridge that crosses the Missouri. Wish me luck that I can make it over and back!

Day 37 - Rejoice?

Status quo around here - each day things tend to get a little better, a few backslides now and then but nothing I haven't been through before, and nothing I won't overcome again! I truly believe that God's grace has enabled me to accept this chapter of my life - I am far from understanding it but am ok with the fact that I don't know God's "big picture". I'm only looking at 1 piece of the puzzle (and probably the back of the piece) while God sees the finished product. Trying to figure out His plan and reasons would be a futile and frustrating exercise. But what I wonder is to what degree I've truly accepted God's plan. The bible talks about rejoicing in our adversity and I'm quite certain that I haven't been rejoicing over the past 6 months. I'm not fighting His will or bitter, but I think there's a big difference between accepting and being grateful. I'm not sure that I could ever honestly get to that point. Over the next 63 days I pray that I can look at where I've been and be able to say, "this is God's will, He is faithful and sovereign, and I am better for it;" to rejoice in knowing that God is active in my life - pruning me so that I can be a more productive part of His kingdom. Putting aside my desires for truly important desires that will count for eternity - all to His glory.
"Consider it pure joy my brothers whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." ~James 1:2-4

Day 34

Happy Sunday to everyone! It's a nice cool morning in Omaha. I took a walk with Mom and Dad this morning and wow, it's amazing how much stamina and muscle you lose after basically not doing anything for 3 weeks and not being able to walk for 2. Very sad! You always hear that if you're in shape once, it's easier to get there again so I'm planning on that! I think my feet are pretty much healed up and my hands are better except a few fingers on my right hand - praise God. Still waiting on the stomach and mouth. Without a doubt, these side effects and setbacks have been challenging, but I know that God will use all things for good and somehow this is going to be glorifying! I got a letter from my Compassion kid, Jhonny, and for a 13y/o in Bolivia I thought this was a very interesting comment. He said, "God is going to do something wonderful to heal you always...God is going to heal you, don't worry; He is slow but guaranteed." The "guaranteed" part is much easier to think about than the "slow," but I will be patient - all in His good and perfect time.
"Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9

God is Faithful

As always, God is faithful and doesn't give us more than we can handle! Thank you for all the prayers, esp. over the past 24 hours. My hands and feet have gotten remarkably better! They're not perfect, but I was able to sleep last night, no longer need to constantly have them soaking in cool water and was able to walk around the hospital today without too much discomfort. I know that God always hears our prayers, but it's so nice when His will aligns with my prayers and answers come so quickly! The swelling in my legs is going down steadily and my labs continue to look good. I pray that my appetite continues to return, that I can start taking walks and that life gets a little more "boring" when it comes to my health. I don't need to be the patient with crazy side effects that gets all the consults!
"Father, I thank you that you have heard me. I know that you hear me always" ~John 11:42

Day 30

I wish I had better news, but it's still a struggle around here. My hands and feet are not improving as quickly as I'd hoped, in fact last night was probably the worst they've been. The burning is unbelievable, if I could have slept in the bathtub, I would have. I pray that was the low point and it's just up from here because tolerating anything more will have to be all God - my reserves are exhausted. Maybe that's the lesson. The further along this path that I travel, the less I understand and that's probably part of the trust/faith lesson too.
I went to the doctor yesterday and my labs continue to look very good. The final pathology report was finally back and it was rather inconclusive - looked like it could be early GVH but they couldn't say for sure. The doctor didn't seem too concerned by the report since he said we wouldn't do anything different treatment-wise unless symptoms got worse. For the next 70 days, I'll be watching, waiting and healing. Appointments every Tues and Thurs for labs and to see the doctor. Every day will be better than the last!
"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze." ~ Isaiah 43:2

Freedom!!!!

It's Day 28 post transplant and I'm finally getting to move to our apt! I guess we'll call this Freedom Phase II. Not feeling too different than yesterday but they figured from this point I can heal out of the hospital just as well as in. Until my hands and feet get better, they said I'd need to come back to the clinic for daily checks, after that I'll only have to go the clinic 2 or 3 times/week. Regardless, I'm just looking forward to feeling a little better each day and can't wait until I get my tastebuds back and can take a walk again!
Have a great week - Happy Monday!!

Day 27 - see the light???

Well it's Day 27 and I think I can see the light at the end of the tunnel - hallelujah!!! My feet still feel like someone took a potato peeler to them and like I touched an iron with my hands, but I'm able to eat and take the 100 pills they give me each day and no fevers! They still don't know the final biopsy results but seem confident that it's not GVH. They're blaming everything on delayed side effects from the chemo - that's a silver lining since all those side effects should go away, eventually. All my lab work remains very good so all seems well with the transplant! Since I'm off the IV meds and able to eat, I should get discharged from the hospital tomorrow or Tuesday - yea!! It will be sooo nice to be at the apartment, 34 days is a long time to be at the med ctr!
Thanks for everyone's prayers, words of encouragement and nice letters - I couldn't do it without you! I got a card the other day with this quote - not scripture, but feels very appropriate for my current state (maybe this is why my feet feel burned :)
If you're going through hell, keep going. ~Winston Churchill

Day 25

I guess it would be an understatement to say that things haven't gone as I had imagined the past 2 weeks and I'm starting to feel myself wearing down. Each day is slowly getting better, but struggles continue with being able to eat and take my medicine. Since everyone seems surprised that my recovery is so delayed, yesterday they decided to do an upper GI to rule out Graft vs Host (GVH), ulcers... Visually they said that I have gastritis but we won't know the result of the biopsies until tomorrow. I'm still on TPN but am hoping that we can stop it this weekend. Two days ago I decided that I needed a little excitement so ran 104 fever again. Good times, thankfully it lasted less than 24hours. And the newest crazy thing to happen is that I've developed blisters on my palms and very tender hands and feet. Feels like I walked on a really hot pool deck and wasn't smart enough to find the shade. No one knows the cause for this either so must be the stem cells ;)
“Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit to sustain me.” ~Psalm 51:12

Tuesday --- Day 22

It has been a very long 12 days for Janna. This is day 22 since transplant and everyone expected Janna to be out of the hospital COOP by now. But, each day is better than the one before. She is eating small amounts so the doctors are cutting back on the IV feedings. She can swallow pills so they are weaning her off the IV med., her fevers are gone, and she is enjoying walking outside again.

The blood counts are great and the doctors are confident that the transplant is right on track. Hopefully by the end of the week we can go back to the apartment. We are all very weary and that will be a real energizer.

We are taking small steps...all in God's good time....sometimes hard to accept. I'm sure there is a rainbow at the end of this storm.

Please continue to remember Janna in your prayers.

Ida May (mom)

The days keep adding up, I MUST be close!

25 days since admission, 18 days since transplant, 10 days since engraphment, 9 days of fever, 7 days of vomiting, 7 days of not being able to eat, 10 days of severe mucositis (the skin of my entire GI tract has sloughed off). Sorry for the ugliness of this picture, but now you know why Mom's been blogging for me the past several days. And why this will go down as one of the hardest parts of my cancer treatment so far. I actually am starting to feel better today, but still can't eat so they had to start me on TPN/Lipids - nutrition through an IV. Not an ideal situation, but hopefully it will give my body the boost it needs and then we can stop it! They've also put me on a steroid to try and calm down all the inflammation. The good news is that they have no doubt that the transplant has taken and those numbers are looking great. If it wasn't for these crazy side effects, we'd be back to the apt already!

Day 16 - Still waiting

Cell counts are looking great but we are still waiting for the chemo side effects to subside. Low grade fevers continue and Janna is working hard to get down any kind of food and fluids other than water. Now it is a matter of patience!

"Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord"
Psalm 27:14

Ida May (mom)

Day 14 - Prayers answered

Dear friends,

I know many of you have been praying and frequently checking to see if prayers were answered. Praise the Lord, at 4:30 today Janna's temp. dropped below 100 degrees! Her white blood count is still good so we know that the transplant is taking and Keith's stem cells are doing their good work making new bone marrow. Her hemoglobin was low so she spent 5 hours at the clinic getting two units of red cells...you know how much Janna enjoys that! Actually she isn't enjoying much of anything today... feeling pretty rotten. Her entire digestive tract is sloughing off old cells and is pretty raw. Tomorrow will be a better day.

Ida May (Mom)

Father, I thank you that you have heard me. I know that you hear me always.
John 11:42

Day 13 --- special PRAYER request

Dear friends of Janna,

This is day 13 of the transplant but day 4...96 hours...of high fever, mostly 104 degrees. The doctors can't seem to solve the problem or explain it other than a fairly normal side effect of the transplant. We need Divine intervention. I know you have been keeping Janna in your prayers. I'm asking that we all join together and pray in a special way that the fever goes away, that God lay a cooling hand on her and just free her from the fever. I'm afraid that she is growing weary in spirit and body.

God bless us all.
Gratefully,
Ida May (Mom)

We have liftoff!!!

It's Day +12 and my numbers continue to go up so I guess 3 consecutive days of numbers rising is enough to convince the docs that Keith's cells are out and about! I still dont feel the best, pretty tired and having a real hard time eating but I'm hopeful that tomorrow will be better!

Day 10 - from Mom

Today has been a very rough one for Janna, so she is allowing me to send an update. The nurses and doctors think Janna's fever(104), backache, nausea, and generally not feeling good are to be expected, in fact, very good...signs that those stem cells from Keith are active and producing good, new blood. They predict that she will be much better in a day or two as her WBC improves. We spent the day in the clinic, back on IV fluids and meds.

While setting with Janna last night and today, I kept thinking about something she wrote in November. She was at St. Joesph Med. Center, suffering with unexplained fevers. With her permission I will share it in the hope that it will inspire you as it does me.


"I’ve been in the hospital for 8 days. It’s 1:00am, my fever is over 102 for 5 hours now and I can’t sleep but I have the urge to journal. What’s that about? Maybe my brain has been hot for too long.
I can’t seem to get out of my head thoughts about suffering: does it really have a purpose? Does God make us suffer to teach a lesson? Will I come out a better person?
I don’t think God causes bad things to happen or makes us sick. We live in a corrupt, sinful world where bad things happen and illness is part of the deal and God just allows it. But He promises to be with us through it all and He promises to never give us more than we can handle. And when the dust clears, or even if it never really does, God can see our broken pieces and can use that. It’s the suffering that opens the door for grace. I don’t think we could know the one without experiencing the other.
So, does good always come from suffering? Surprisingly, I don’t believe it does. If we shut down our hearts and refuse to let God work in our life, than I believe He’ll let us do that and we’ll come out of suffering no better than before and probably worse- full of anger, viewing the world through jaded, bitter, resentful, unhappy eyes.
BUT, if we lean on God and listen for his voice and are open to letting the Holy Spirit in, I believe that he’ll work with the mess and through the obstacles to help us grow – help us to heal old wounds, reveal sin in our life, or develop virtues like faith, fortitude or humility.
I don’t expect to know every good thing that comes from every moment of suffering for I’m not God and can not expect to understand his ways. But when I look around, I see God working on me and others, and I when I look back, I can see evidence of where He’s been and that’s all I need. I know that He’s doing his thing and have faith that he’ll take my pieces and make me better prepared to do mine."

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.
Matt 11:28

Day 9, 2 stars

Yesterday was an OK day, nothing much exciting, labs held about the same. But today, I can tell that things are bottoming out. I have a pretty sore throat and not much energy. The doctors had been predicting delayed side effects from the chemo (around day 7-10) so they're right on time - imagine that! My lab counts dropped quite a bit today - WBC's 0.7. Platelets are also dropping but not anything that needs a transfusion (I've lived and played with lower :) So, I need to be extra careful for the next few days while we wait for Keith's stem cells to take off (engraphment). They say that the side effects all get better as soon as the stem cells start growing so I'm praying that those little cells are ready to work and not planning on waiting until day 28!!!
"For He will command His angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways; they will lift you up in their hands, s that you will not stride your foot against a stone." ~ Pslam 91: 11-12

Day +7, 4-stars

Lucky number 7! Today was a good day, labs still looked solid with my white count falling slightly but still not at the bottom. Maybe my last few cells will hang around long enough to pass the torch to Keith's stem cells so that I don't sit unprotected! Side effects are still mild (bit of a sore throat today) and energy is doing ok. The excitement of day 7 was that I got my first growth factor shot. The shot part isn't so great, but the fact that it's going to kick the stem cells into action is very exciting!
I ran across a verse today that I never paid attention to before, Nehemiah 4:9, “But we prayed to our God and posted a guard day and night to meet this threat.” Throughout this journey, I've prayed so often for a miracle: that God would touch me and make the cancer disappear. But once in a while I'd wonder, how would I even know? We got the diagnosis and jumped both feet into aggressive treatment, never checking in between chemo cycles to see if I still had cancer, never looking for the miracle. After the chemo I tested clear, complete remission, and yet we still moved forward with the stem cell transplant. What if that was God's miracle and I was ignoring it? Now, in my heart, I always felt a peace about the treatment decisions we had made and knew that God was with me, but I can't say that these thoughts didn't cross my mind and I couldn't come up with a good answer. Then today I ran across Nehemiah – God wants to hear from us, wants us to trust him, but He also expects us to use the resources and means that He provides. He's always in control and if He wants to pull out the "miracle card," I have to believe that He'll let me know. So all that being said, I will continue to pray and trust in God, while at the same time “posting a guard to meet this threat.” (and today we gave my guard a little extra help).

Happy Father's Day

First and foremost- thanks to everyone that's supporting the vball tournament today!!! Glad to see that the weather is nice in KC as it has rained all day in Omaha.
Day +6 and probably only a 3* day. Not really feeling like blogging so this will be short and to the point. My last remaining infection fighters are trying to hold on but the counts continue to slowly slip down (WBC= 1.3). They've held on longer than expected so I'm not complaining, grateful for every "good" day. Tomorrow is the awaited "day 7" - help arrives for Keith's cells.

"Let us then approach the throne with confidence so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need." ~Hebrews 4:16

Day + 4, 4-star

Free at Last, Free at Last, Thank God I'm Free at Last!!!
(before I explain, keep in mind that I'm locked in a hospital so "freedom" has become a bit skewed) At 3:18pm on June 18th they disconnected my IV! No more dragging along my little friend, no more tripping on my way to the bathroom, no more incessant ticking! (worse than the crocodile in Peter Pan). Typically they leave you on IV anti-rejection meds for another week, but they seemed to feel comfortable switching me to pills today so praise God, no questions asked. Shouldn't have to go back on the IV unless I get sick and start to dehydrate. But, I don't foresee that happening :) Today has been a good day - feel good, good appetite, decent energy, 4* day. My white counts are still in the 2's, expected to hit 0 in the next few days. Yesterday we moved to the COOP unit and so far so good. Mom is figuring out her "nurse" role very well, just don't ask her to count respirations. The room feels much more "homey," carpeting, 2 rooms, couch, mini-fridge, big windows, quiet - don't you all want to vacation in Omaha at UNMC?!!!

Day +2

Another good day under our belts and one more day closer to home! Day 2 was relatively uneventful - and that's a good thing in the post-transplant world. Last night was a little restless as I had a weird knot in my throat - we're praying that it's not an early sign of mouth/throat sores. Today while we were taking a walk, we ran across free ice cream - bonus - and I was able to eat that just fine, so I'm optimistic that the throat is ok. If I'm still feeling pretty good tomorrow, I'll probably change rooms and go to cooperative care which is like a step down unit of sorts. My room would be more like a hotel room and Mom would stay with me. More freedom, more space, fewer wake-ups during the night... Sounds like a good deal, stay tuned. Praying for a good night's sleep.
"Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest secure" ~Psalm 16:9

Day +1

Opening day jitters are out of the way and I'm feeling a little better today! (could actually eat cake today) Yesterday afternoon I didn't feel the best which they blamed on the preservative that comes with the stem cells. I presume that they have to add a set amount of preservative to each bag of cells so yet another reason to be grateful for Keith's stellar donation all at once! I don't really know what to expect over the next few weeks, probably more ups and downs. My WBC's still haven't hit the bottom which I was surprised about but the doctor said it was a good thing - fewer days in the cellar waiting for the new cells to take over. (and hopefully fewer days to run fevers!) I think they expect me to hit bottom on Thursday and then 1-2 weeks beyond that before we will see the beginnings of my new immune system. I'll keep you posted on what God has planned and thinks about that!
"Let them know that you, whose name is the Lord - that you alone are the Most High over all the earth." ~ Psalm 83:18

Opening Day; day 0

Transfusion complete! Everything happened pretty smoothly, my morning started early with labs at 4 and then someone was in or out every 30 min after that. Keith's cells were brought in at 9 with lots of fanfare, well, not quite, it was actually a red cooler full of dry ice, but a very nice cooler. When it was all said and done, the transplant only took 1 hour and at the end, they gave me a little cake. Very nice. I'm a little tired from all the meds, so this is going to be left short, might write more later.

Day -1...

My day of rest has been pretty quiet so far. Docs were in earlier this morning, started my anti-rejection meds, told me a little bit about tomorrow. I guess they'll change my fluids and give me some meds at 5am, then at 9am I'll get Keith's cells. Will run pretty much like a blood transfusion, shouldn't take too long since Keith was able to get them all in 1 bag. I asked what they were going to do with the extra cells that Keith pumped out and they said that I'm getting them all! Maybe they looked them all over and deemed the whole lot to be high enough "quality" for me to receive :) Wouldn't expect anything less! In any case, I'm afraid that my poor little cells don't know what they're in for, but I say: "take the field, it's time for Opening Day!!"

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" ~ Phil. 4:13

Day -2, a rough one

Today was a little rough, didn't feel the best. Not sure if that's because they upped my chemo by 50% or side effects from the meds that they're giving me to prevent side effects. Afraid to complain much because they'll give me more meds which will lead to more SE... But, there is good news, I'm feeling a little better this evening, AND tonight at midnight I will start my last dose of prep chemo - YIPPEE!!! Tomorrow is appropriately referred to as a day of "rest" before transplant on Monday.
"The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." ~ Deuteronomy 31:8

Day - 3

Still hanging tight in Omaha, not much new and exciting. My WBC's are slowly starting to fall but nothing like I've experienced in the past. The doctors have told me that this regimine of chemo tends to have a slower onset when it comes to side effects. It might be the middle of next week before I really feel the worst of it. Oh well, 1 day at a time. No use worrying about what's to come when it might not ever arrive!
Still praying for a successful "opening day" - hope the team is strong and that everyone gets along. No fighting in the clubhouse!
And as always, I'm still praying for all of you! Even when we can't see it, God has a purpose and a plan.

The countdown moves on: Day - 5

I'm almost done with the first day of chemo. It's a little more intense than what I've received in the past. Just 2 drugs this time but one of them I receive every 6 hours and it runs for 2 hours each time. The other one I only get once a day, I think. In any case, not really catching up on sleep since the nurses have to be in and out a lot. I'm still feeling pretty well today - stomach is trying to hold tight. They're giving me a lot of drugs to try and prevent side effects, but I'm nervous that they're going to make me feel loopy. Guess we'll wait and see. Neb Med is pretty relaxed when it comes to letting me take walks. As long as the chemo isn't running and I wear a mask and gloves, they'll let me leave the floor. Today we found a pretty garden and sat outside for a while - so good to feel the sun!
I'll try to write more tomorrow. Praying that I continue to feel well and that the fevers stay away!
PS- my room is the coolest on the floor - decorated with a great signature poster and a prayer chain from St Agnes gradeschool (that I'm using as a countdown chain)!

Back to Omaha Day -6

It's Tuesday morning, and after a great week, I'm on my way back to Omaha. (not really wanting to go). Doesn't seem possible that I won't be coming home until Fall. So much will happen between now and then- lots of growing, lots of learning, lots of trusting and hopefully lots of healing! Many of you have asked if I'm afraid or anxious about what's to come and I really don't know. I guess the unknown always brings with it a degree of uncertainty and fear, but I can't let that be the feeling that rules my thoughts. I must trust that the plan set in motion long before I was born will continue to its perfect completion, and that God will meet my needs (whatever those may be) along the way. I'm optimistic and strangely confident that in time, everything will turn out well. It's all so much bigger than me, but it will turn out well- good will come out of this, beauty for ashes.
The countdown is on, tomorrow I'll start my final round of chemo – day 1 of 4. The goal of this round is to destroy my bone marrow so that Keith's stem cells can come in and rock the house. I hope all those little guys are ready for game day because there are no trial runs or pre-season when it comes to stem cell transplants. And we're headed straight to the championship. Transplant day (maybe I should call it “opening day”) is Monday.
“Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus” ~ Phil. 1:6

That's my boy!

More answered prayers! Keith had his first day of apheresis (stem cell donation) today and they were able to collect all the stem cells needed - 3x more than needed in fact! That is a huge blessing for many reasons, but mainly because I didn't want Keith to have to spend another 4 hours sitting in a chair unable to move his arms- not such a fun morning for him. I have a couple doctor's appointments tomorrow morning and then we'll all be headed home for a long weekend. Scheduled to be back in Omaha on Tuesday.
"Father, I thank you that you have heard me. I know that you hear me always." ~John 11:42

Happy Memorial Day

Happy Memorial Day! I hope that everyone is able to enjoy the sunshine like we are in Omaha! Things continue to go well, and I continue to feel great- praises!! I think the shots are making Keith a little sore, but he doesn't complain so we don't really know. Tomorrow morning, 7-12, is the first (and hopefully last) day of stem cell donation. Should know by tomorrow evening if we got enough.
Our days are in your hands...

A busy, fast week

It's been a busy and fast week in Omaha- lots of visits with ancillary hospital staff for both of us and several trips to the lab for Keith. I received all the final results on my bone marrow and everything came back completely cancer free!!
Last night we went to the Omaha Royals - a "normal" activity!! For the next several days, we're "free" except for Keith's daily shots to stimulate his bone marrow. Still praying that the donation process will be quick and painless for him - done in 1 day! In the meantime, the only thing on my agenda is to continue getting stronger, enjoying having my appetite back and cherish the sunny days of feeling good!
Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest secure. ~Psalm 16:9

"Schedule"...

Sorry that it’s been a couple days, but I’ve been very busy enjoying the sunny weather and hanging out with friends – it’s been great remembering what it feels like to feel good! Praise God! I originally wasn’t happy about the delay in getting my transplant, but having a few weeks to regain strength is probably a good thing. I’m glad He’s in control.
Here’s our schedule for the next couple weeks:
5/25 Keith starts lab work, meet doctors…
5/26-27 Random appts for me with specialists…
5/28-5/31 growth factor shots for Keith
6/1 Labs and start stem cell collection (this will be a long day, please pray for Keith)
6/2-6/3 continued stem cell collection if needed
6/4-6/7 weekend at home!! :)
6/8 I get admitted to hospital
6/9-6/12 Scheduled for final round of chemo to prep for transplant
6/14 TRANSPLANT DAY (if all goes according to schedule)

Thanks for all your continued prayers and special thanks to everyone that was able to attend Saturday’s prayer service!

Answered prayers!

After a long day of testing yesterday, I met with Dr Vose today and they can't find any signs of cancer! I'm officially in remission!!! They have a few more tests to run on my bone marrow but said that even if they see microscopic evidence of the lymphoma, we'll still be moving forward with the transplant. They were all very optimistic with where I'm at after all the chemo. So, as soon as I finish getting a couple units of blood, (they weren't impressed with my anemia), we'll be heading for home! Going to be a long day full of sitting on a sore bum after yesterday's bone marrow. Later this week I'll send out the schedule for transplant preparation.
"For I know the plans I have for you" declares the Lord "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" ~Jeremiah

Prayer Request for Tuesday

It's been a good couple days - over the weekend the rain dampened some of my plans, but I was still able to see some friends and family, felt decent, no fevers! Praise God!
Tomorrow I head up to Omaha for restaging and would love any prayers that you can send my way. It will be a day full of testing to assess the effectiveness of the 4 rounds of chemo. We're praying for remission of the cancer. After the testing on Tuesday I'll meet with Dr Vose on Wednesday to find out if everything is "a go" for the transplant. At that point I'll have a slightly more definite time-line of events (which I'll share in a future post) and hopefully answers to some of my many questions.
Thanks for your thoughts and prayers!

Glad that's over...

Yesterday was a bit of a scary adventure. After going to the clinic for a seemingly innocent fever on Tuesday afternoon, by Tuesday night I wasn't feeling well and by Wednesday I was light-headed/passing out, still running fevers and feeling kind-of like I did when in the hospital. (Thankfully, Tues night the symptoms were feeling similar to past experiences so I had restarted some antibiotics for GI infections). Mom took me to the clinic Wednesday afternoon where they gave me steroids, IV fluids and more antibiotics. After going to bed at 7:30p, I woke up feeling much better and am so grateful that I was able to get the Flagyl started Tues night otherwise I'm sure I would have been toxic by Wed. Not exactly the week I had expected, but each day is a gift and today is better than yesterday.
"Father, I thank you that you have heard me. I know that you hear me always" ~John 11:42

Each day is an adventure

Fever is back today, back to the clinic...

Well, today is a little step back from yesterday, but I'm praying that it will be short-lived and a result of my bone marrow rebounding. I really don't feel too bad but back on IV antibiotics until cultures show negative.

Still thankful for a new day!

A new day, another gift

You’ll have to bear with me on this one because I have a feeling that I might start to ramble, but it has a happy ending. In all honesty, this weekend was rough for me. I was at the 2 week post chemo point, blood counts were in the toilet, still sick and fatigued, started running low grade fevers and was really starting to drain mentally. Got word from Omaha on Friday that my transplant won’t actually happen until mid-June which is when the “100-day” countdown starts. And to top it off, it was cold. So frustrated, tearful and afraid of what the future holds, I shared my state of mind with our heavenly Father and headed to bed. Middle of the night, I wake up with “The Words I Would Say” by Sidewalk Prophets running through my head. Specifically the lines “Never give up hope… God’s got his hand on you, so don’t live your life in fear”. I’m not a big SP fan, don’t have their CD and actually had to google search these lines to even figure out who sings the song (surprise, surprise). If you’ve never heard it, I recommend it. Anyway, woke up this morning, felt much better than I had all weekend; went to the clinic and all my labs are on the rise – WBC’s went from 0.1 to 1.0, platelets and Hgb are hanging tight. (clinic had me in and out in under 45 minutes – crazy!) I’m not scheduled for anymore labs until next week. Now all I need is for it to stop raining. :)
God talks to us in all sorts of ways and he won’t give us more than we can bear. Tell Him your fears - He might not answer right away or in the way you’re looking for, but He always hears and never stops walking by your side.

Day 12 /4

The clinic was rather uneventful yesterday. All my lab numbers continue to drop but not low enough to need transfusions... I have to go back tomorrow morning (so much for sleeping in on a Saturday) and will probably get platelets. In the meantime, I'll continue to live in my "bubble boy" state.

Final 4 - day 10/ 4

In case anyone is counting, I'm down to the Final 4 eyelashes. It's a good look, I highly recommend it. And unlike other die-hards that I've met, I am NOT applying mascara to the remaining 4. It was over-rated when I had an eye-full.
That's as exciting as it gets in my world the past couple days. I'm tired and my stomach still isn't playing fair, but all is tolerable and I'm able to go to the office. Tomorrow I go back to the clinic to see how my counts are doing. I figure I'll hit bottom sometime between now and the end of the weekend. Praying that my "bounce back" will be quick so that I'll have some time to catch up with everyone before heading to Omaha.
"And the very hairs on your head are all numbered. So don't be afraid; you are more valuable to God than a whole flock of sparrows." ~Luke 12:7

Schedule's set 8 /4

Feeling OK today - my labs haven't hit the bottom yet after round 4. WBC's are in the tank, but hemoglobin and platelets are hanging in there. I picked up a lot of swelling again while in the hospital and in the process of losing that, my potassium has dropped yet again so I'm spending today in the clinic getting K+ (6hours, ughh).
The good news is that we were able to get a schedule set for Omaha. I'll go up on the 18-19th for testing. At that point they'll determine that I'm in remission and everything's a "go" so we'll all head back up on the 23rd to start the transplant process. Transplant probably won't actually happen until the first week of June.
All in perfect timing.

Done with Chemo!!!!!!! day 6/ 4

Hooray, I'm done with chemo as long as everything looks good when I go to Omaha! I finished up Friday afternoon but they had me stay one more night. Seems harmless enough except that it takes all day to get discharged from a hospital so I probably won't get home until dinner time. Oh well, what's 1 more day, right??!! OK, enough of the pity party. I'm feeling pretty good and praying that my recovery this time is smooth and that all my blood counts cooperate. If all goes well, I hope to be back to work by Tuesday - even if my feet are too swollen to fit in my shoes :)
I lift up my eyes to the hills - where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth. ~ Psalm 121: 1-2

Day 4 Round 4

80% done with this round, 95% done altogether! I haven't had a fever since yesterday afternoon and my appetite has gone up a bit so that is good. The bacterial infection that I had in my intestines the last round, I've managed to get again - that's not so good. We'll see how I feel after this last bag of chemo runs in but I have faith that I won't feel as bad as the first 2 days. If all goes well and my cell counts cooperate, I'll get to go Sat am (WBCs are too high now, imagine that). Plan is to stay with Mom and Dad for several days until I get my energy back and feel like cooking for myself!

DAY 3 - ROUND 4

Yesterday was another rough day. Janna started out about 4:00am with 104.5 fever and her blood pressure dropped to 82/40. The doctor thought it was from the chemo but ordered antibiotics, to be sure it wasn't an infection. The fever is slightly lower today with blood pressure closer to the normal range. They are continuing the chemo, so hopefully she will be finished with that on Friday...counting the days...

"When you pass through the water, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze." Promises made through Isaiah 43:2 surely also include the challenges of chemo!

God bless you for your continued prayer support of Janna during this long journey.
Ida May

"Get on the Line"!! - Round 4, Day 1

After a weekend of rest and hanging out with friends, my blood counts looked better this morning - good enough to start the 4th and FINAL round! I should be excited, but as I sit in the hospital, I'm feeling more nauseous than excited. In my heart, I know that I have to start if I ever hope to finish, but that doesn't make the path any easier. I've decided that it's like the end of a grueling 3 hour basketball practice and all you have left are the stingers (suicides for you non-Hornets). All you really want to do is lay down or find a trash can, but you know that there's no way coach is letting you out of the gym without running. So that being said, I'm taking a deep breath and going to the line. Not only will I finish, I plan to be first. And I keep telling myself- this will prepare me for success.
"I trust in you O Lord; I say "you are my God." My times are in your hands."
~Psalm 31:14-15a

More waiting, more patience

Well, looks like my labs still aren't good enough to start round 4 of my chemo. My platelets are just a bit low so they want to wait a few more days and recheck Monday morning. I am soooo ready to get this over with, but have to believe that there's a reason it keeps getting delayed. I have to trust in that or I wouldn't be able to sleep at night. Will let you know Monday how things turn out. Until then - God Bless us all!

Not good enough

Just got back from the clinic and my numbers are going up for the most part but they're not high enough to start the 4th round of chemo. Have to admit, with how good I've felt, I was a little surprised. Oh well, can't really control how many little blood cells my bone marrow chooses to produce (and no Mom, I do not think green tea will speed it up :) All in His good timing!

Days are looking up...

This has been a good weekend – beautiful sunshine and feeling better than I have in weeks! I'm optimistic that my counts are going up but won't know for sure until Tuesday. Will update then.
Let the earth cry out to God with joy; praise the glory of his name; proclaim his glorious praise. ~ Psalm 65: 1-2

At least we're moving...

Not a big jump, but my WBC's finally have started to creep up - from 0.1 to 0.7. If we can jump 7x every day, we'll be in business! Next blood draw is Tuesday so I'd guess that if things continue to progress, I'll be starting chemo on Wednesday. Platelets were a little low again today so I'll get another transfusion tomorrow to make sure I don't start bleeding. No fever yet today so God willing, that is over for a while too! Lisa and the kids were in town this week - I'd go to the office for a little while in the morning then up to Mom and Dad's to hang out with the fam' all afternoon - tiring, but well worth it.

Quick update

Not much new to report. Later today I'll find out if my immune system has started to recover and if so, when I'll start round 4. I'm feeling a little achey so not sure if that's a good sign (that my bones are working) or related to the fever that I've run the past 3 days :( Hopefully we'll get some good news later today!
I have set the Lord always before me. Because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. ~Psalm 16:8

Day 19 /3 AND Still Waiting...

Well, I'm still sitting on my non-existent immune system (0.1). I'm at the clinic again today and platelets are super low so I'm getting an infusion and then tomorrow I'll return for an infusion of red blood cells. (could have had that done today but decided that a 5hr appt was long enough, didn't need to sit here for 7!) Found out today that the strong antibiotics that I've been on could slow down the recovery of my immune system so maybe that's what's going on. In any case, chemo round 4 has been officially pushed back. Earliest I'd start at this point is Saturday but could be as long as a week. Frustration, frustration, frustration. I've decided that if I'm going to feel bad then let's keep the train moving and get on up to Nebraska for the big battle. Praying for strength!!
Got this verse from a dear friend today - how appropriate!
"Have you not known? Have you not heard? The everlasting God, the Lord, the creator of the ends of the earth, neither faints nor is weary. His understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the weak, and to those who have no might He increases strength." ~Isaiah 40: 28, 29

Still Waiting...

Not much is new around here- still pretty tired. I went to the clinic yesterday and my bone marrow still hasn't started producing new cells so I'm still sitting without a functioning immune system. Maybe today or tomorrow!
Rest in the Lord and wait patiently for Him... ~Psalm 37:7

Breaking Barriers... Day 15 / 3

This is going to be short as it's getting late and I'm tired. Today was another long day of sitting in the clinic. As hard as it is to imagine, my immune system dropped even more to the whopping 0.1 and my platelets hit the record low of 7. On a better note, my potassium is up just a bit but not enough to avoid more IV's. Spent 6 hours getting platelets, potassium and an ultrasound of my abdomen to try and figure out why I can't take a deep breath. No answers to that question. Anyway, still waiting for the bone marrow to start producing some healthy cells, in the meantime, I'm going to bed. One day closer to feeling better!
Thanks for your prayers!

Day 14 /3

Feeling pretty good again today. Actually got a full day of work in! This evening I've started to get a little chill and have a backache which I'll be getting checked out tomorrow if it's not better (can't imagine that my kidneys might be crying from all the antibiotics). My WBC's haven't rebounded yet but I still have hope that it will happen by Sunday. Yesterday was another day of working on my patience as I had to spend 7.5hrs at the clinic getting platelets and more potassium. It was a great time. My prayers continue to be that I'll remain fever-free, that my potassium will stabilize, that I'll have a good/healthy weekend with my niece and nephew, that Keith will stay safe and healthy and that I'll be able to praise God through the storm, giving Him the glory!
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.

Day 12 /3

Thanks for all your inspiring Easter messages! It's so good to be reminded that true joy comes from deep within and far beyond our earthly circumstances. Went to the clinic to have labs drawn (another 3 hr test of my patience ;) My electrolytes still haven't balanced out so I'm back on another 8hr infusion of potassium. The swelling is slowly going away (I can move my toes today) so hopefully that will solve the problem. Immune system is still in the toilet- just praying that it starts to bounce back before my favorite little boy and girl come to visit this weekend!! Feeling better today than yesterday and hope to go to work tomorrow (presuming that my Dr's appt doesn't take 8 hrs!). Go Butler!!!

Happy Easter!! Day 11 /3

Happy Easter! Each day is a better day but still pretty tired. Not sure if that's due to the chemo, my 0.3 WBC count, or the 15 extra pounds of fluid that I'm still carrying around in my legs (talk about Fred Flintstone feet!) I went to the clinic today and my potassium is critically low so now I'm walking around with an IV pump for the next 6 hours - but at least I didn't have to go back to the hospital! I'll be back in the clinic tomorrow and Tuesday to check labs - we'll pray that my fluid shifts back to where its supposed to be, my potassium goes up and that my WBC count rebounds soon.
In any case, hallelujah Christ is risen today - I am going through only but a fraction of what he endured for us and God willing, when I'm in remission and look at my life, we will be able to see how all this has been glorifying to Him.

Day 9 /3 Home in the Rain

This stay in the hospital has been longer than expected but I'm finally going home (I watched a lot of sunny days through the windows and now it's pouring rain, wouldn't ya know!) In any case, I feel much better than I did the last time I was going home so hopefully that's a sign of a quicker recovery. 75% Done, only 1 round left!!!! and tomorrow will be better than today.
I can do all things through God who strengthens me. ~Phil 4:13

Day 4 /3

Feeling a little better today, cross seems a little lighter to bear. Yesterday morning I spiked a fever again, BP went down, HR went up, O2 went down. They were afraid that I was having a repeat of Friday, but things seemed to calm down which is good. Today hasn't been nearly as exciting and I feel pretty decent. I'm just so thankful that I've finally made it to day 4. This round has taken FOREVER. At least I'll be home for Easter.

Finally, Day 2 /3

Back on track today as they've restarted the chemo. One day closer to being 75% done!! Today was a pretty good day. I've been fighting a headache which they say is from the LP- not sure how long that will last. It dawned on me this morning that this is the start of holy week and as much as I dislike the current journey that I'm on, it brings me closer to understanding the meaning of Easter. Without a cross, it is very difficult to follow Christ or understand what he did for us. Obviously all of us have our cross, mine happens to be big and hard to miss. Carrying it has allowed me to participate in Jesus' sacrifice, to relate a little better to Christ. Even though I won't be able to attend any Holy week services, I feel closer to Jesus this Easter than any other. I pray that as I bear my cross, I won't become bitter but rather that I'll have a greater appreciation of what our Lord did for us. That I'll be more motivated to follow and to serve. And after we've won this battle (and had a great party) I pray that God shows me how I can use this experience to serve Him better.
If any man would come after me, let him deny himself, take up his cross and follow me. ~Matthew 16:24