Don't wait

So, here's my random thoughts for the day. (I have lots of them, but only a select few seem to have a point and actually get written down). Last week I realized yet another reason why my 99 year old neighbor, Becky, is such a great role model and motivation. When I met her, she was 87. Over the years, there have been decisions that I wondered about. When Becky said that she wanted to recarpet her house, buy a new car, get a new hip, hang new blinds...many people’s first reaction was “why?” – you’re 90+. If Becky had put everything on hold because she wasn't sure “how long her future would last”, she'd have spent the past 15 years stuck at home in a rundown house with old carpet and not able to walk. More often, instead of having Becky’s proactive outlook we hear the opposite, “I'd have taken better care of myself if I'd known I was going to live this long.” I have to admit, that I never used to put things off like that, but now, I'm not doing much “planning for the future.” I catch myself failing to do something with long term implications because I doubt how long my “future” will last. For example, this week I have an appointment with a new specialist to discuss my osteoporosis. My true feeling about the visit is “why bother, am I really going to be here long enough for it to matter?”. I want to treat each day as a gift and live it to the full – none of us know how long we’ll be here. I need to continue to take care of myself - acting like I'll live to be 100. I’ve already figured out that God doesn't always stick to the plan. We shouldn’t wait to do something just because we may only have a month, a year, 5 years to live. The opposite is also true, just because you think you have 50 years to live, don't wait to make your life what you want it to be. If you ultimately hope to be a joyful person that serves others and enjoys life, don't wait to get started. So I guess that's the bottom line of my random thought – whether you fail to plan because you think it's not necessary, or fail to plan because you're procrastinating and think there's always tomorrow, stop waiting! There's no better time than the present. Your legacy starts today ............................... “Be dressed, ready for service and keep your lamps burning, like men waiting for their master to return... If the owner of the house had known at what hour the thief was coming, he would not have let his house be broken into. You also must be ready because the Son of Man will come at an hour when you do not expect him.” ~Luke 12:35-36, 39-40

Happy 3rd Birthday/Anniversary!!

As I sit in the car, headed back home from a long day in Omaha, I thought I'd try to put down some thoughts about where I am and where I've been. I left Dr Vose's office a little confused – she seemed happy, but we didn't have the lab results back, the lung tests looked the same (maybe a little worse) and my bones are weaker (earning me a trip to another specialist). Bottom line, today's visit wasn't super uplifting but it does mark a milestone that I wasn't predicted to reach and for that I'm grateful. Since I last wrote, life has been good. I've been able to travel, I'm back on the softball field, my volleyball team took 1st (I finally got an overhand serve over the net!) and I've invested a lot of time in a new project at work which will hopefully result in healthier families. Despite all the busyness, all the “things”, I feel like I've gotten lazy in the areas that truly matter. I've allowed myself to get caught up in the blur of life. I've lost the discipline that comes with a well-defined goal. For the majority of the past 3 years, I had a clearly defined purpose – to live. My days weren't easy, but the decisions often were and my days were very “ordered”. If something didn't improve or protect my health, if it didn't get me closer to my goal, I didn't do it. And most importantly, I kept in close touch with God. This singleness of purpose gave clarity to my world in a time when things seemed to be in chaos. Now I'm not really sure where I'm going. I know that God is calling me to something and I need to take the time to figure out this new purpose so that this gift of a 2nd chance at life isn't wasted. I'm currently reading a book by Matthew Kelly and he seems to sum it up rather well: “At times it seems as if I am progressing, while at other times I cannot help but feel that I am slipping back down a mountain I have struggled so hard to climb. All in all, I have learned that my feelings are a poor indication of the work God is actually doing in my soul. I have come to believe that at every turn in the road, God is drawing us along the path, whether we are aware of it or not. My courage to accept the present and my hope to look toward the future come from remembering how God has used the circumstances of my past to achieve his purpose in my life.”

Weakness - not so bad

Once again, I was reminded of the gift of being weak and how much our society is depriving us of by teaching us that being self-reliant is something for which to strive and be proud. During the last snow storm a decent sized branch fell from one of my trees in the backyard, landing on the neighbor’s fence. (It didn’t knock it down but put a noticeable dent in the top rail.) I had pulled it off the fence, but hadn’t had time to clean up the mess. Last week, we were blessed with a couple of warm days so I decided to clean up the yard a bit. When I got to the backyard, I realized that unbeknownst to me, someone had cut up and hauled away my branch. What a gift! (If the generous soul is reading this blog – thank you!) Illness forced me to “need” people. Before that, I really didn’t know how to accept help, didn’t really see any reason to accept it since technically I could do it on my own. Why be a burden??? But, over the past 3 years, I’ve realized that letting other people help allows me to see the beauty in their generosity – it allows them to be beautiful. It gives them an opportunity to share God’s love. Before cancer, I rarely saw the beauty of others because I never gave them a chance, I never “needed” them (or so I thought). Truth is, I’ve always needed it, but pride wouldn’t let me appreciate it. So obviously, I hate being “weak” and my goal is to regain my strength and be able to do things for myself. But, I honestly hope that I never regain so much “strength” that I forget how to accept another’s help.

It's been 2 months since my last entry so thought I'd better try my hand at writing before google shuts down my account! I've had several people tell me that I need to update to let them know how it's going, so I'll try to do better – plus, when I need to activate all you prayer warriors, it will be much easier if I haven't let you go to sleep! :) Everything had been going very well which is why I guess it was so easy to lose contact. Don't have your feelings hurt that I've let communication drop – I can tell you that I do the same thing to God – not a good thing! When life is statusquo, I get all wrapped up in the day-to-day but it doesn't take much to send me running back to God when times get tough. Most days, I touch base just to let him know I'm still here, but some days that's all it is. For Lent, my resolution was to slow down, step back, improve communication and get more in touch with what God was calling me to do/be. Unfortunately, the “slow down” came quicker than I had imagined as I was dealt a harsh and ugly case of Influenza – YUCK. What a miserable set of days. As you know, the flu kills people every day so for me it's a bit of a reality check that nothing is ever “simple”. Then, KC got back to back snow storms which kept me home-bound another few days. At this point, I feel like I'm over the worst of it and praise God, it's leaving my chest much quicker than I anticipated. Lost my voice on Saturday, but at least the fever, aches and chest pain are gone! During the worst of it, I asked several of you to start praying for my recovery and I'm happy to report that the knowledge of all you sending up prayers on my behalf still brings me unbelievable peace. (Fever broke that very night!) I'll try to send more frequent notes and hopefully some pieces of Lenten inspiration now and again.