I can't believe in my last blog I actually put in writing that I had successfully escaped catching my family's colds from Thanksgiving. That's like commenting mid-vacation about how all the flights have been on time or mentioning on the way to work how light the traffic is or saying the “Q” word around a medical office or hospital (quiet for those of you who opted out of the chaos). As soon as you talk about it, it's bound to happen. Well like clockwork, I sent my blog Monday morning and started feeling a little scratchy in the throat by that afternoon and by that evening I had to carry the box of tissues around the house with me. Ughhh! I started pounding the Vit C and zinc, and had a non-stop dialogue with God pleading that I didn't get sick. I pulled out the Vicks, added extra pillows and headed to bed, sure that I'd toss and turn only to wake up with a full-on cold. Surprisingly, I slept great, woke up with the alarm, no problem breathing, felt great. I thanked God but still wasn't convinced that the cold wasn't lurking, ready to pounce at any moment. It's now 4 days later, still feel pretty good. Little bit of a sniffle now and then but definitely nothing to complain about and yet still I'm leery to proclaim God's mercy and miracle. I privately thank Him a lot, but I hesitate to tell anyone else about my week. Why is that? I found that I do the same thing with the cancer – I've never spoken the words, “I'm cured of cancer.” I tell people that “things are going well” or that “I'm doing better than I should be” or that “the doctor's can't find any signs of the cancer” but I stop short of saying that God has cured me. I openly give Him credit for all that's happened, but it's like I don't want to set the bar too high. Am I trying to protect God??? If I tell everyone that God miraculously cured my rare, aggressive cancer, and then it comes back, is that saying that God failed? I thank Him for every day and try to live each day to the fullest but never presume or proclaim that this battle has been won. I've always been like this, even in competition; try to keep people's expectations of myself and others reasonable. I didn't talk smack very well because I didn't want to risk having to eat my words. And that's on the playing field, this is the God of the universe that we're talking about. What if that's not His plan and I go around telling everyone that it is? If I keep the bar a little lower, it keeps people's expectations a little lower so there's less chance that they'll be “let down” by my God – the God that I love and I believe can do all things and that has mercy on me every day. I don't want to take the chance of shattering someone else's opinion of my God or weakening their faith. So I continue to choose my words cautiously. I guess I'm still not sure of God's plan for my life. I'm sure that God looks down on me with pity and a touch of frustration, wishing that I'd let Him out of the box. He's a big guy, He can stand up for himself.
Being confident in this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. ~ Phil. 1:6
(side note: there is a difference between “cured” and “healed” – a topic too long for today)
