Today has been a very rough one for Janna, so she is allowing me to send an update. The nurses and doctors think Janna's fever(104), backache, nausea, and generally not feeling good are to be expected, in fact, very good...signs that those stem cells from Keith are active and producing good, new blood. They predict that she will be much better in a day or two as her WBC improves. We spent the day in the clinic, back on IV fluids and meds.
While setting with Janna last night and today, I kept thinking about something she wrote in November. She was at St. Joesph Med. Center, suffering with unexplained fevers. With her permission I will share it in the hope that it will inspire you as it does me.
"I’ve been in the hospital for 8 days. It’s 1:00am, my fever is over 102 for 5 hours now and I can’t sleep but I have the urge to journal. What’s that about? Maybe my brain has been hot for too long.
I can’t seem to get out of my head thoughts about suffering: does it really have a purpose? Does God make us suffer to teach a lesson? Will I come out a better person?
I don’t think God causes bad things to happen or makes us sick. We live in a corrupt, sinful world where bad things happen and illness is part of the deal and God just allows it. But He promises to be with us through it all and He promises to never give us more than we can handle. And when the dust clears, or even if it never really does, God can see our broken pieces and can use that. It’s the suffering that opens the door for grace. I don’t think we could know the one without experiencing the other.
So, does good always come from suffering? Surprisingly, I don’t believe it does. If we shut down our hearts and refuse to let God work in our life, than I believe He’ll let us do that and we’ll come out of suffering no better than before and probably worse- full of anger, viewing the world through jaded, bitter, resentful, unhappy eyes.
BUT, if we lean on God and listen for his voice and are open to letting the Holy Spirit in, I believe that he’ll work with the mess and through the obstacles to help us grow – help us to heal old wounds, reveal sin in our life, or develop virtues like faith, fortitude or humility.
I don’t expect to know every good thing that comes from every moment of suffering for I’m not God and can not expect to understand his ways. But when I look around, I see God working on me and others, and I when I look back, I can see evidence of where He’s been and that’s all I need. I know that He’s doing his thing and have faith that he’ll take my pieces and make me better prepared to do mine."
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.
Matt 11:28
