Lukewarm? Might as well be cold

Happy Halloween! I can't say that I really like this holiday – not much into the dark and morbid, and really not into “scary”. But it is fun to see everyone's creative costumes and Halloween will forever be a reminder for me of my battle – with each one almost guaranteed to be better than 2009 when I was in the hospital. Things seem to still be moving right along, with the overall trend being a positive one. Last week's labs were a little lower than they had been, but those things seem to change so quickly that I have a hard time getting excited about them. If they're even lower tomorrow, I might start to wonder.
Here's my latest pondering - “lukewarmness” (not a word, I realize). It's a topic that seems to have come up a lot lately – in my small group, devotional, the Leaven. To some degree, even in the political ads that have plagued the media. Is it inevitable, are we all guilty? Whether you're talking about work or relationships or faith, approaching it half-hearted isn't very productive. No one wants to have the guy that only kind-of tries on his team. And you really don't want to work with the guy that thinks he's “all that” when in reality he doesn't work much and doesn't seem to care about the common goal. I know how frustrating it is to be on the receiving end of this attitude, yet it doesn't stop me from doing it to God. I'm glad He doesn't toss us off the team when we over-value our contribution or fail to even acknowledge the playbook. He patiently waits on us to look His direction and get over our own pride – always happy to see us and pleased with our genuine yet flawed attempts to know and fulfill His will. I've decided being lukewarm is inevitable. Sure, there are periods when we're more “sold out” for God, but there are also going to be times when we hardly even take the time to say “hello”. I think the important thing is to know what we're fighting for. Acknowledging the never-failing love and mercy of God, while at the same time realizing our own failings. We're just a blip in the grand scheme, yet God welcomes us to participate in His plan. That's enough to keep me struggling to discover my role.
God never stops calling us, “ … show me your face, let me hear your voice; for your voice is sweet and your face is lovely.” ~ Song of Solomon 2:14

Now that was a great weekend -

Thanks to everyone that came out to St Agnes on Saturday night to help me give thanks and celebrate God's awesome faithfulness and power. It was a wonderful night and one that I will not forget. I can't even fathom the number of prayers that have been sent up on my behalf, but I know that every one was heard and they all gave (and continue to give) me the strength to push through. This was definitely a team win!! This weekend was like the perfect storm - beautiful weather, family in town, MU win, Chiefs win, seeing lots of friends, and I got to 2-step! Thanks to everyone that helped make this weekend so special (you know who you are!)
"And I'll praise you in this storm and I will lift my hands. For You are who You are no matter where I am and every tear I've cried You hold in your hand. You never left my side and though my heart is torn I will praise You in this storm."

Party countdown - 3 days...

I think fall is finally here which is a real eye-opener as to just how fast time flies, could it really be a year since this crazy journey began?? It seems like forever ago that I was in the hospital for 10 days with fevers and rigors, in fact, compared with the excitement of the past 10 months, I had pretty much forgotten all about that. Wow. The good news is that I continue to feel better and stronger with each day. Side effects from the meds (or at least I presume that’s what I’m experiencing) are still annoying, but nothing I can’t live with. This week it’s a swollen face in the morning – lovely! But, labs are looking up bit by bit, the sun is shining, I feel pretty good, K’s coming home this weekend and we’re partying in 3 days!!! God is good!
“Because of His great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions…” ~Eph. 2:4-5
(need we say more?)

Another beautiful week!

I hope that wherever you are, the weather is as beautiful as it is here! What a blessing to have a nice fall and sunny weather - definitely good for the mental health and physical healing!! I hope the weather is this nice next weekend for my party!! My week has gone well. The trip to Omaha was uneventful which is a good thing. Dr Vose said everything looks ok. My kidney tests are still a little off but not quite as high as they were so not sure if we're just going to watch it or if they're going to do something. My social calendar is still pretty tame since I'm never quite sure how much energy I'll have - not much planned except watching college football, the Chiefs and visiting all my friends with their new babies!
Have a great weekend!

Already???

It's already time to go back to Omaha for a recheck. Thankfully, things seem to be improving so I hope the visit tomorrow is quick and uneventful! My kidneys appeared much "happier" this week when we checked labs so that's a very good thing. It looks like my anti rejection med dose was a little high so now that it's been lowered, things are improving and I'm feeling better overall! Energy is steadily getting better, I should be ready to start training for the Iron Man in November ;)
I'll let you know on Thursday how my appt goes tomorrow. (If anyone needs anything from Omaha, let me know!)

Fridays - they're still great!

Well somethings never change - after a week at work, 5:00 on Friday is still a great thing! This has been a pretty good week, not too many headaches, neck feels somewhat better, and I was able to see a couple of patients at work!!! I've been able to enjoy the BEAUTIFUL weather - taking lots of walks with Maria. Blood counts continue to be strong with my platelets finally returning to the "normal" range! Yea! The only disappointing part is that my kidney function tests continue to be a little off and my legs continue to swell. They're decreasing the dose of one of my meds so maybe that will be the answer. We'll see. This weekend should be low key except for 3 hours on Sat and Sunday when I'm watching the Tigers and the Chiefs defend their undefeated records!! That would truly be the perfect end to my week :)
Have a great weekend - I continue to pray for you all.
God is Faithful - yesterday, today and forever.

Check out the details for the party and RSVP - (upper right corner of page)

Just a quick note to draw your attention to the new information on the Celebration party Oct 23rd. Took me a while, but details are out. "RSVP" isn't anything official but helpful so if you could make a guess, that would be great. Thanks!
Everything else is moving along slowly but surely. Some of my kidney labs are still out of range so we'll recheck those tomorrow but otherwise things seem to be ok.

Do I want to forget?

I've been home for 10 days, am almost unpacked, and have returned to work. I had a nice weekend – hanging out with friends, enjoying the sunshine, sharing a meal with the folks, and standing up for those who can't speak for themselves at Life Chain. It's amazing how easy it is to settle back into our routines. Omaha is starting to seem a bit surreal, (even though my lack of stamina and the remaining side effects serve as daily reminders of the battle). Even during the 100 days, it was hard to wrap my mind around the reality of what I had been through and what was to come. Is this clouding of reality God's mercy, or just the human mind's tendency to block out unpleasant memories? (or maybe the chemo really did turn my brain to mush.)
God has definitely given me the strength to take 1 day at a time, not dwell on the past or worry about the future, but I don't want to forget what I've been through. If I'm going to endure it, I want to gain something from the experience; I want to be a better person for it; I want others to benefit from it. If I want to profit from adversity, I must remember the trials and the lessons learned from them. (hopefully without physical reminders) – not push forward, frantically trying to regain "normalcy" without regard for the last 8 months. If I start to lose focus, forget all the lessons learned or lose sight of what's truly important, I hope that you'll hold me accountable. God wouldn't let me fight cancer and go through a transplant if He didn't have a way to make it all glorifying. From time to time, I may need to be reminded of that!
“In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith – of greater worth than gold – may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory, and honor when Christ is revealed.” ~ I Peter 1: 6-7