Oh, How Thankful!!

Happy Thanksgiving! I hope that everyone had a nice weekend with plenty of time to relax and reflect on how blessed we all are – for our health, the food on our tables, the roof over our head, the freedom to live in this country... Every day I wake up and thank God for another day and pray that I serve him well, but on holidays, it seems all the more “eye-opening”. It doesn't seem possible that it's been almost 2 years since I started this wild journey and I am so thankful to be sitting here blogging about it. It's not uncommon to hear people say, “you never know when you're time will come” but I don't think they really believe that they're going to get hit by a car or pass away any time soon- the statement doesn't change the way they live. But for me, that's been a legitimate reality – I don't know if this will be my last Thanksgiving or Christmas. So this weekend, I am especially thankful for my health, my colon :), for my returning strength. Thankful not just for the food on my table, but the ability to eat it. Thankful not only for a warm bed to sleep in, but the ability to sleep, not just for a job, but for my ability to go to work and enjoy it. Thankful for the opportunities to help others. Thankful for all the friends and family that continue to surround and support me. And top on my list, I am thankful for our Lord – the one who is true to his promises, never leaves my side, gives me a peace beyond all understanding, gives me strength and courage when I have none and who is faithful, even when I am not.
“Praise the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits – who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion.” ~ Psalm 103:2-3

All I need

This morning while I was getting ready to head to Omaha, I read this in my devotional, “And today God is saying to you, 'I will be all you need!' Now you know that God is able, but don't you sometimes wonder if He's willing? Simply having a revelation of God's ability is not enough; you must also believe that He will, in order to put a solid foundation under your faith...God may not answer your prayer in the way you think he should or when you think he should, but if you trust Him He will answer in the way that's best for you.” It was a great reminder for me that despite all the craziness, and regardless of what Dr. Vose had to say, God is in control and that's where peace can be found.
Overall, news from Omaha was good. Labs are stable, no free air was visible on the chest X-ray, (they didn't look specifically at the abdomen), recheck of my lung functions showed slight improvement (from 40% to 48%) - doesn't sound like much, but it's better than getting worse and just means I'll be short of breath for a while longer. Dr. Vose stopped a couple meds (yea!) and said she'd see me in a month to do it all again. They all seemed relieved to see a healthy-appearing patient. Do I like the fact that I'm on a restricted diet, can't breathe and get winded going up a flight of stairs? No, I hate it. I'd much rather be at the gym, competing in sports leagues and regaining all the strength that has disappeared over the past 2 years. But, I'm not going to dwell on that – Last week we prayed for a miracle, that I wouldn't need surgery, and I believe we received that. I might think I know what's best, but God knows what's best and I need to give Him time to work. He's all I need and the one thing I always go to sleep knowing is that he will never leave my side.

“God shall supply all you need” ~Php 4:19

A good weekend

It's been a good weekend. Long before all the craziness of last week, I had planned to visit Lisa, Steve, Keith and the kids in North Carolina this weekend. Since I was out of the hospital and feeling ok, I decided to go ahead and take the trip and am glad that I did. It's been a nice break and great to see everyone. After a full weekend of the zoo, church, lots of games, I'm ready to sit down and watch a Chiefs victory (I hope)! I started eating some soft foods on Friday and that seems to be going ok which is a huge relief. Once in a while I still get tired and still have the cough with an occasional stomach ache but nothing emergent. Will head home tonight and then off to Omaha on Tuesday. Originally the plan was to repeat my lung function tests on Tuesday, but not sure if that will change with all the happenings of the past week. Will update when I know more.

Hold the phone...

First and foremost, thank you so much for all your prayers for healing without surgery, for patience on my part, and wisdom on the part of the doctors. I know that this latest ride is far from over, but it looks so much better today. The surgeons and doctors surprised me this morning with an offer to not only start a full liquid diet, but to go home this evening! They felt comfortable that if things were going to turn south, they would have done it over the past 4 days. I guess I should feel flattered that they trust my ability to watch for (and report) worsening of symptoms. You can't imagine how relieved I am to be able to go home and return to taking care of myself! (not to mention sleeping in my own bed, not being connected to an IV pole, and not being awakened with a labdraw at 4am!) So for now, here's the plan: I am free to go home, continue lots of meds and return to normal activities. Diet will be liquids for another day or 2 and then “progress” back to the diet that I followed last winter when I was resting my gut (white and bland- very limited fruits and veggies, no fiber, no meat, no taste :) All that being said, I'm actually very grateful for that diet because if not that, it was going to be an elemental diet which is basically already broken down liquids that taste terrible and are very expensive. Next week I'll follow up in Omaha and we'll revise the plan as needed. It's been a very long and at times stressful 5 days and I have NO idea the purpose of all this, but I've come to terms with not knowing and am ready to move forward, grateful for each and every day.

Father, I thank you that you have heard me. I know that you hear me always. ~John 11:42

A tentative plan!

I'll try to keep this brief yet cover all the basics as it's getting late and I'm a bit tired. Feeling a little better tonight now that I have at least a little bit in my stomach! The surgeon said that the amount of air is virtually unchanged from Friday so I had 3 options – 1. start clear fluids and then SLOWLY progress my diet to see what happens, 2. go to surgery and take out 2/3 of my colon, 3. go to surgery for a laproscopic “look around” and if things look bad or questionable, start removing my colon. To no surprise, I selected option 1! I was glad to hear that he also felt that to be the most prudent option. A little later in the afternoon, a GI doctor came for a visit and he had a little more information to share. Said that it's not very common but some people have “asymptomatic” air in their abdomen and that with time and conservative treatment it should resolve over 1-2months. That was a relief to hear! Unfortunately, the treatment is to address the cause of the air and they don't know the cause of the air so I'll be on antibiotics and a pretty boring diet for probably a couple weeks, lots of close watching and all with the understanding that if anything changes I'll be heading for the operating room. So, for now I'm on a clear diet. I might get to have full liquid diet sometime tomorrow and if I tolerate that, might get discharged on Wednesday. Lots of “mights”, but it's good to have a plan – the indefinite “watch and wait” was getting to be more than I could handle. Still have a long way to go so will continue to pray for an uncomplicated resolution. But, very nice to know that it is a possibility!
Thanks for all the prayers, thoughts and well wishes!

Still waiting...

Xray this morning still showed air but I don't know if it's the same, more or less than Friday so here I sit, still hungry, still waiting. The surgeons and doctors promised that they'd be in before 5 today...

The saga continues...

More drama, more excitement, more faith required to trust in the existence of a greater plan. Yesterday started out like any other day – went to work, felt a little better than earlier in the week, was excited for Friday night (margaritas, apps and games with friends)... As the morning went on, even though the cough was slowly improving, I had decided that if time allowed, I would go ahead and get a chest X-ray just to get it done. So before lunch I went and had a chest X-ray to rule out pneumonia – by the time I made it back to the office, the radiologist had already called and was very concerned. No pneumonia, but they could see some air below the diaphragm (unless you've had recent abdominal surgery, you shouldn't have free air in the abdominal cavity). Are you kidding? I felt fine – no fever, slight stomach ache which I had accounted as muscular due to the coughing... but, Dr Vose was very concerned by the report and said I needed to go to the ER – do not pass go. Trying to be compliant, I went. Once at the ER, they repeated the Xray and found the same thing so I went for a CT. The CT showed significant air in the wall of my colon as well as free air surrounding the colon. To a surgeon, this is a surgical emergency. The problem is, that I was sitting up talking, looking fine, vitals stable... and that CT belongs to a very sick patient. To no surprise, I (not being a surgeon) wanted to go home, figuring that the air had been there for who knows how long and was in the process of getting better. To make a long story short, that was not in the cards and after talking to the surgeon I realized why – since I'm on steroids for the reaction going on in my lungs, it's possible that my body is not able to mount a normal response to infection/inflammation... and on the inside, I could look much worse than I do on the outside. Nebraska felt it was in my best interest to go to surgery last night and have my colon removed, thankfully the surgeon here had the benefit of seeing “me” in addition to the scan and felt that a watch and wait approach was reasonable - With the understanding that if anything changed in the slightest, I would be in the OR. Sooo, after much discussion (going to Omaha by ambulance, Omaha by private car, staying here) it was decided at midnight that I had to stay here, be watched like a hawk, start more antibiotics, if no change by Monday, re-evaluate trying to set up an ambulance ride to Omaha.
So now I sit, hungry and waiting. Praying that God's plan is to have this miraculously resolve and this will be to His glory.

“Hear my prayer, O Lord; listen to my cry for mercy. In the day of my trouble I will call to you, for you will answer me.” ~Psalm 86:6-7

Still by my side

An update is well past due, but I still don't know what to blog. Since I last wrote, I honestly can't say that I've seen any obviously positive changes. In fact, I'm sure that I feel worse than I did 2 weeks ago. I'm coughing, I ache, my stomach is doing who knows what and sleep is less than restful. Would make sense to think this is a result of all the medications – another situation of having to feel worse before you feel better. Or, maybe the meds are working, my lungs are starting to heal and thus the cough etc is a sign of “return to function”. Or maybe I've picked up some sort of infection. Or maybe it's a combination of all of the above. I don't know and it's too exhausting to try and figure it out. I just keep telling myself that tomorrow is a new day and God is in control. I don't need to understand, my call is to trust and persevere. Christ will remain my “refuge and strength” as I face each day. (grateful for each and every one!) And who knows, maybe tomorrow will be the day when it all turns around – for He is faithful, and I'll be sure to let you know.

"In my distress I cry to the Lord, that he may answer me. For we are powerless against this great multitude that is coming against us. We do not know what to do, but our eyes are upon thee.” ~Psalm 119:1