5 more days...

Doesn't seem possible that this is the last weekend that I'll be in Omaha! I'm definitely ready to be home, just hope that I have the energy to do all the things that I've been missing for the past 4 months. Rationally, I know that's not too realistic, but still won't stop me from hoping and trying. :)
I pray that we make a strong push to the finish. Dad has come down with a cold which obviously isn't good and has risen to the top of my prayer list. It has really made me realize how blessed we've been - until now, no one has gotten sick, and I don't think anyone has been sick since I started chemo in Feb. It's no secret that God has kept me safe for a long time (even while working with little germ monsters for a year without a fully functioning immune system) - I'm sure that He will continue to do the same.
"I lift up my eyes to the hills - where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth." ~Psalm 121: 1-2

Up!!

God heard my cries! Today is a much better day. I got a decent night sleep and the neck and head are pretty good. Still not making any sudden movements as I feel like it could come back at any time, but I'll take it.
More labs and another visit to the clinic tomorrow.

Ups and Downs, ups and downs...

Life continues to be a little erratic around here. My weekend and yesterday were good. I saw Dr Vose and she used the word "excellent" when describing my labs and progress. Everything is still on track to restage next week, get the results and head home! Last night my neck pain and headache showed up with a vengeance (and no, it didn't have anything to do with too much celebrating as the Chiefs defeated SD :) This morning, the pain was still pretty bad, to the point of making me sick, so we had to go back to the hospital. Exam didn't show anything and since I'm not running fevers or having vision changes, they're not worried that it's anything serious. I took some pain meds when I got home and was able to sleep a little bit this afternoon which seemed to take the edge off. I'm praying that it doesn't come back again tonight. A good night's sleep would be much appreciated.
"Hear my prayer, O Lord; listen to my cry for mercy. In the day of my trouble I will call to you, for you will answer me." ~Psalm 86: 6-7

Day 89

It's a beautiful weekend in Omaha - friends coming to visit, sunny skies, cool breeze and I'll be home in less than 2 weeks! The only thing that would make this better is if I was actually at a college football game instead of watching them on TV. :) The week has been pretty good. Still struggling with headaches and neck pain, but my labs look pretty good and I've started to gain back a little weight. UNMC was serious about the whole "100 Day" thing. They've scheduled some tests for Day 98, but the bulk of my restaging tests will be Wed, Sept 22 - Day 100. So much for getting an early release for good behavior. I should get their blessing to go home after all that is completed.

Day 86

Hard to believe that it's Day 86!! (I had to count twice) I hope that everyone had a great Labor Day and enjoyed the last days of summer. My Labor Day weekend was very nice. Since all has been going well up here, Dr Vose let me go home for a couple days! It was pretty low key - caught up with a few family and friends, watched MU pick up the big "W", and just enjoyed being home. I think the next 2 weeks will go quickly and I'll be back home for good! They're currently working on scheduling all the tests for my "100 Day Restaging" so still not sure of exactly when we'll be heading back to KC but should be around the 23rd. So, I have a new prayer request to add to my list for the next 2 weeks - that the restaging will go smoothly and that all the tests will come back "clean"/ aka cancer-free.
It's the home stretch, we're almost there, and everyone in the "club house" still seems to be getting along!!
"Is any one of you sick?...The prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise him up...Therefore, confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective." James 5:14-16

What is happiness?

Happiness, we all talk about, all seek it, hopefully we've all felt it, society says we “deserve” to have it. But what is it really and should we spend our lives pursuing it? I feel happy when labs show that my white cells went up, watching a beautiful sunset, hearing that a baby was saved, seeing friends/family, eating ice cream on a summer day, winning at anything competitive ;) and the list goes on. But all of these things are short lived, happiness is fleeting. No one can hold on to it. When our circumstances change, our level of happiness quickly follows. So my conclusion is that a lot of the unhappiness in our world is a result of the endless pursuit of “happiness.”
I think trials, more than anything else, force us to face the fact that there is a big difference between happiness and joy. Doesn't take much to strip us of our happiness. Society tells us to seek happiness, but that mission leaves us feeling frustrated and let down. We might temporarily feel happy, but inevitably it will fade. Joy, on the other hand, is different. It comes from something much deeper than our surroundings and is independent of feelings. The actions of those around us and our surroundings don't affect true joy. True joy, the kind that lasts, is that internal peace of knowing that God is in control. A feeling of contentment that ice cream can't provide. Our level of joy will fluctuate, but it can withstand suffering, pain, trials, illness, failure. None of those things are very compatible with happiness so I think people get angry with God when they happen. They believe God promises a life of happiness or that He “won't give us more than we can bear.” The truth is, the Bible doesn't promise either of those things. It tells us that there will be suffering and it will be hard, but God won't leave our side. As I've said many times, this experience has been much more than I could humanly bear, and I haven't always been happy or strong or felt very courageous. But I also haven't felt hopeless or alone and there's always been a peace. That's faith, that's an internal joy, that's grace and mercy from God.
Bumps in the road are bound to happen, there will be set-backs, I will hear depressing statistics like 19 out of 20 people with this disease don't make it, I will face frustrations, I will have days of unhappiness, but none of this can steal my joy if I continue to seek, trust and follow our Lord.
So, if any of you find yourself on an uncontrollable rollercoaster of life, bouncing in and out of disappointments and frustrations that seem to dominate your life, I'd challenge you to look deeper. Is it “happiness” that you're seeking, or true “joy”? Ask for it.

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you...” Matthew 7:7-8

“Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.” I Thes. 5:16-18

It's Wednesday...

Well, it's Wednesday and I feel pretty good! Glad the "mid-week slump" has stopped. Overall, it's been a pretty good week. I have a little bit of a headache but much better than it has been and no other real symptoms to mention. My labwork hasn't really gone up, but it hasn't gone down either so I'm taking that as a positive sign. Laura and Uncle Hank were able to come up for a visit, so that was nice. Tomorrow I'll go back to the doctor for more labs and a check-up. I think I'll ask about the process of restaging and getting discharged since my 100 days is only 3 weeks away!!!
"Ask and it will be given to you, seek and you will find, knock and the door will be opened to you. for everyone who asks receives, he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks, the door will be opened." Matthew 7:7-8