It's a beautiful, sunny afternoon in February with temperatures nearing 50 degrees and I'm sitting on my couch, giving myself a breathing treatment – knowing that they haven't helped in the past but hopeful that maybe this time it will be different. I'm typing because I don't know what else to do (and it's all I have the energy to do). Overall, I feel better than a week ago, but after things seemed better on Tuesday, my recovery has sputtered out. I just can't breathe and that's scary. No longer is it just annoyance or frustration that I can't go for a walk,- I can't carry on a conversation without becoming warn out and out of breath. Yesterday Mom came over to help me with some things around the house because I was too tired to stand in the kitchen. Is this just part of the virus that I picked up and I need to be patient, or is this what the future holds? Over the past 2 years there have been plenty of days when I didn't feel good and God gave me the strength and courage to push through, I always had hope that better days were in store. But this feels different, this fear is different. I don't feel confident that this will pass. I feel like I'm losing hope and that's the last thing I want to do. After coming so far, I just can't imagine that this is what God has planned. Lent starts this week, and I'm trying so hard to be optimistic about the season – a time to grow, of hope and rebirth, but right now, I'm really just feeling sad. I pray that the next time I write a blog, I can tell you how much better I feel, but right now I can't even seem to find a silver lining. There's no way to sugar coat it, concentrating on each breath stinks. I frequently find myself telling people how I'm grateful for every day, I guess I need to take that a step further and remind people to be thankful for every breath! I know that I have a new appreciation.
“So do not fear, for I am with you;...I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous hand.” ~Isaiah 41:10
