As most of you know, I've personally stopped using the word “coincidence” when it comes to my journey so I'll just give you a brief time line of my week (as ridiculous as it sounds) and you can draw your own conclusion. I was really struggling and felt pretty bad early in the week. By Wednesday morning, I was very tired, my chest ached from breathing and I realized that I had dropped 10 pounds (presumably from working to breathe - not exactly my idea of a good workout). My co-workers were becoming increasingly worried and plotted to take me to the ER. Instead, I convinced one of them to go to Ash Wednesday mass with me over lunch. No revelations during mass, just a typical start to Lent. I got back to the office, ate a little lunch, saw some patients and by mid-afternoon I noticed that I was feeling a little better. I got home from work and took a slow walk around the block and still felt “ok”. This morning, I was pleasantly surprised to still feel pretty good and that has continued all day (obviously not going out for a jog, but definitely not focused on every breath). Over the past few days, so many of you have helped me out with well wishes, cards, emails, texts... (many written and sent on Wednesday); all full of wonderful messages of hope and encouragement. And I know that many of you have been on your knees – for which I am also very grateful.
So, I feel like I'm in a better state of mind now. I'm definitely feeling better today than I have in almost 2 weeks! I wish that I could also say that I'm at a point where I'm grateful for this cross, but I'm not there yet. I continue to ponder the whole idea of being “happier” when we're asked to carry a cross. I guess in part, we should get peace just from knowing that we're "participating” and maybe that should be enough, but in my human condition, it rarely is. Today, my devotional was titled, “The Cross of Each Day". (Timely don't you think?) It talked about how we feel better when we carry the cross because that's when Jesus comes to our aid – we're walking closer to him. It talked about how accepting the Cross can produce peace and joy in the midst of pain and it means facing life courageously. Here's the quote I liked best, “Our Lord will give us the strength we need to carry that Cross with elegance and He will fill us with unimaginable graces and fruits.”
I pray that I'll learn to accept my path, and be able to do it with “elegance”.
