Using the foundation!

Every day this week I've thought that I need to update the blog, but I can never think of anything to say. I didn't draw labs this week, so I presume that those are still status quo, the cankles are back which is annoying and I'm a bit tired, but nothing to complain about, and the past 2 days, the nausea has been a LOT better – so thankful for that! Tonight I think I'll have some taco soup – hope it likes me as much as I like it! I finally decided to get some tips on the rebuilding of my strength. It dawned on me that I don't really know how to get into shape when starting from ground zero – blessed I guess that I've always been able to physically do what I wanted – might have ended up with some sore muscles and probably looked ugly along the way, but I could do whatever I set my mind to. Now, I feel like I'm missing the foundation. It was an interesting hour with the therapist. Realized that I am out of touch with the little things, can't mentally control the support muscles, not even using the right muscles to breathe! She was testing some of my core stabilizers, and what should engage as soon as I move an arm or a leg, didn't start to contract until I was almost at full extension. She would say, “can you feel that muscle contract” as she poked into my side and I would give a tentative “yes” even though I don't think I ever felt what I was supposed to. I think that's how I often am in my faith. God is there, in the background, ready to support my every move, but I don't seek Him out until I am almost fully extended. I can't hear His voice because I rarely devote the time to really listen. I should go to him with each step instead of relying on myself and waiting until the last minute to recruit His help. Everything works better when we rely on the stable foundation. And once we acknowledge it, realize it's power and the role it can play, it's much easier to feel it working.
So, for now I'll be at home, practicing how to breathe and hopefully figuring out to get some muscles, that I can't really feel, to work again. Wish me luck.
"Now may the Lord's strength be displayed..." Numbers 14:17

Day 365

Day 365! One year since my transplant. I wish that I felt better for this landmark day, but it's amazing none-the-less. I just got word from Nebraska that my bone marrow came back clean so it's official - I'm still in remission! It's very hard for me to even say the word. On Sunday, a gentleman at church (who I've never really talked to and I'm sure doesn't read my blog) asked me if I was cured. I sit behind him EVERY week and out of the blue he felt inclined to pull me aside this week, a week when I had an answer. As I talked to him, he just smiled and said “I knew you would be”. I don't understand how God works and I still can't imagine why He decided to work a miracle in me but I'm glad that He did. A year ago I made some sort of comment in my blog about waiting to see what God had planned and I feel like I'm still doing that. At the beginning of this journey someone told me it would take 2 years to feel back to myself and I didn't want to believe that, but I’m starting to think that may be true. :( If that's what it takes, than that's what we'll do. I just keep telling myself that it's a good day and sure enough it is!

Yippppeeeee!

Well I guess God isn't going to let me off the hook yet and still has some plans for me! I just finished a long day of tests and Dr Vose gave me the long awaited news that I still appear to be in remission. They don't have the results from the bone marrow biopsy yet, but the PET scan didn't light up like a Christmas tree which means that the cancer is not in my lymph nodes or spreading everywhere. I also got word about the EGD from last week and they couldn't find any signs of rejection! They did pick up evidence of a bacteria which has probably been making me feel sick and can cause ulcers so they started more medicine for a couple weeks. It's yucky stuff but at least it will treat the problem and I should start feeling better! More good news is that I'll be able to stop most of my other medicines, and can restart almost all my vaccines tomorrow! I only have to draw labs once a month (probably to make up for the 6 times they poked me today) and go to Omaha every 3 months! I guess the only “bad” news that I got today is that my bones have taken a big hit so I need to start treatment for osteoporosis. I also have a little degeneration in my hip but unless it starts to hurt again, we don't have to worry about it for now.
Thank you for all your prayers and to everyone that has reminded me of the verse that I've stood behind and leaned upon for the past 17 months – that God has given me a hope and promised a beautiful future. It brings me to tears when I try to think about it all – how far I've come, and how faithful and merciful God has been. I am so glad to change the emphasis of my prayers from pleading to praising. I'm very excited to see how God is going to continue using this and what plans He has for me.

And we know that in all things God works fr the god of those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose.” ~ Romans 8:28

Nothing is too hard for the God of the universe!

Well tomorrow is the big day. Mom, Dad and I will drive to Omaha tonight so that we’ll be ready for the early start to a long day. I don’t know if I’ll know the results by the end of the day and I’m still waiting on results from last week’s EGD. So “patience” is the word of the week. Overall I’ve been feeling pretty good – last weekend I had lots of excuses to enjoy the nice weather and hang out with friends. One of them pointed out that since there are more “good” days than “bad” days, I could say that every week is a good week. I like that.
Still praying for strength and good results tomorrow. Praying that God will continue the good works that He has begun! Praying that I am able to accept and handle whatever the future holds and that God continues to grace me with the peace that transcends all understanding! (right, Em?)

“Oh Sovereign Lord, you have made the heavens and the earth by your great power and out stretched arm. Nothing is too hard for you.” Jeremiah 32:17