I guess it's a good thing when the blog entries get farther in between – means life is “boring”. We made another trip to Omaha last week and I guess the party line is that the trip was “fine”, report was “good”. I was a little under the weather so I felt bad for Mom since I wasn't much for company. But, the report was fine: labs were fine, liver and kidneys are functioning, weight is stable, lungs are the same. I should be happy with that report, right? I tell myself to be happy with that, but the truth is that I'm not. I'm thankful for every day and for my increasing strength, but I'm not satisfied with my lungs functioning at 50%. I'm not ok with feeling out of breath as I talk to patients or the thought of never being able to run again. For the past 5 months, I've sat back, been patient, tried to keep the positive attitude, looked for the silver lining, and waited for medical treatments to do their work - and to no real surprise, science seems to be falling short. So now I'm done waiting quietly, I'm putting all my cards in the hands of the one that's cured the incurable and given me strength when all else has failed. I'll still take the 15 pills every day but honestly, I think they've done all they can do. I feel a little bit like a spoiled child – continuing to ask for more despite all I've been given, but the bible tells us to bring our concerns to the Lord and to pray unceasingly. So, I'm going to become the squeaky wheel, praying night and day for some sort of miracle. I've always made it known to God that I wanted my lungs to heal, but now I'm asking God to heal my lungs. And I'm going to keep asking. I don't know what's at the end of this tunnel or how long it will take to get there, but I'm sure I'll know when I arrive. And when I do, I want people to know where my peace and healing have come from.
And Jesus looking upon (them) said to them, With men this is impossible; but with God all things are possible. ~ Matthew 19:26
