Year End Review

Well, it's way past time for an update and to be honest, with the unpredictable time between updates, I'm not sure if anyone checks this blog anymore. I half wondered if it had been shut down by Google but was relieved to find that it was still active, so I guess I'll update. Since we just celebrated the New Year, (and I didn't get a Christmas letter sent) a 2013 summary would probably be a good place to start. Overall, 2013 was full of conquering doubts and getting back to life. It didn't start the best as I caught the flu in February – it was terrible with a capital “T”. Seemed like it took forever to get my energy back and stop coughing, but with warmer weather, my cough finally left. In May I was able to travel to Cincinnati to see Lisa and Keith – it was a fun trip full of games, flowers and unwelcome wildlife. In June I took my first trip to the NW visiting Cindy and TJ in Seattle – nice city but too overcast for me. While there we drove to Lake Coeur d’Alene to watch a friend compete in an Iron Man – what an amazing/crazy demonstration of human endurance! Last summer I also restarted some greatly missed activities – sand volleyball, playing in the CCS softball league (successful with only a couple accommodations), and water skiing. Mom and Dad tried convincing me to start with 2 skis, but I stubbornly insisted on only 1. If I was going to do it, I wanted to do it the way I enjoyed and it was a success – first pull! Hopefully I'll make it to the lake more than once in 2014. At the end of the summer I traveled back to Cincinnati for a little canoe trip and to watch the AVP tournament – yet another great demonstration of the human body. :) The fall was beautiful this year and I was fortunate enough to travel back to Seattle to meet Baby Rothwell. And then before I knew it, we were at the end of the year. Everyone came home for Christmas so that was fun but I could do without this cold weather! I caught a cold the end of November and I still haven't managed to kick the cough – I guess with my lungs, this might become a permanent fixture of the winter for me. Just another reason that I'm anxious for spring to arrive. I just got back from my 6 month check in Omaha – all continues to look good and she said next year I might be able to decrease my visits to yearly!! As the days and months fly by, I try very hard to remain thankful. Thankful for my health, my faith and the people put in my life to be my strength when I need it most. I'm also thankful to the all-knowing God that cares for me in all my failings and has given me another year. Happy 2014! (PS - I tried to include a picture, but this blog isn't cooperating!! Better luck next time)

Don't wait

So, here's my random thoughts for the day. (I have lots of them, but only a select few seem to have a point and actually get written down). Last week I realized yet another reason why my 99 year old neighbor, Becky, is such a great role model and motivation. When I met her, she was 87. Over the years, there have been decisions that I wondered about. When Becky said that she wanted to recarpet her house, buy a new car, get a new hip, hang new blinds...many people’s first reaction was “why?” – you’re 90+. If Becky had put everything on hold because she wasn't sure “how long her future would last”, she'd have spent the past 15 years stuck at home in a rundown house with old carpet and not able to walk. More often, instead of having Becky’s proactive outlook we hear the opposite, “I'd have taken better care of myself if I'd known I was going to live this long.” I have to admit, that I never used to put things off like that, but now, I'm not doing much “planning for the future.” I catch myself failing to do something with long term implications because I doubt how long my “future” will last. For example, this week I have an appointment with a new specialist to discuss my osteoporosis. My true feeling about the visit is “why bother, am I really going to be here long enough for it to matter?”. I want to treat each day as a gift and live it to the full – none of us know how long we’ll be here. I need to continue to take care of myself - acting like I'll live to be 100. I’ve already figured out that God doesn't always stick to the plan. We shouldn’t wait to do something just because we may only have a month, a year, 5 years to live. The opposite is also true, just because you think you have 50 years to live, don't wait to make your life what you want it to be. If you ultimately hope to be a joyful person that serves others and enjoys life, don't wait to get started. So I guess that's the bottom line of my random thought – whether you fail to plan because you think it's not necessary, or fail to plan because you're procrastinating and think there's always tomorrow, stop waiting! There's no better time than the present. Your legacy starts today ............................... “Be dressed, ready for service and keep your lamps burning, like men waiting for their master to return... If the owner of the house had known at what hour the thief was coming, he would not have let his house be broken into. You also must be ready because the Son of Man will come at an hour when you do not expect him.” ~Luke 12:35-36, 39-40

Happy 3rd Birthday/Anniversary!!

As I sit in the car, headed back home from a long day in Omaha, I thought I'd try to put down some thoughts about where I am and where I've been. I left Dr Vose's office a little confused – she seemed happy, but we didn't have the lab results back, the lung tests looked the same (maybe a little worse) and my bones are weaker (earning me a trip to another specialist). Bottom line, today's visit wasn't super uplifting but it does mark a milestone that I wasn't predicted to reach and for that I'm grateful. Since I last wrote, life has been good. I've been able to travel, I'm back on the softball field, my volleyball team took 1st (I finally got an overhand serve over the net!) and I've invested a lot of time in a new project at work which will hopefully result in healthier families. Despite all the busyness, all the “things”, I feel like I've gotten lazy in the areas that truly matter. I've allowed myself to get caught up in the blur of life. I've lost the discipline that comes with a well-defined goal. For the majority of the past 3 years, I had a clearly defined purpose – to live. My days weren't easy, but the decisions often were and my days were very “ordered”. If something didn't improve or protect my health, if it didn't get me closer to my goal, I didn't do it. And most importantly, I kept in close touch with God. This singleness of purpose gave clarity to my world in a time when things seemed to be in chaos. Now I'm not really sure where I'm going. I know that God is calling me to something and I need to take the time to figure out this new purpose so that this gift of a 2nd chance at life isn't wasted. I'm currently reading a book by Matthew Kelly and he seems to sum it up rather well: “At times it seems as if I am progressing, while at other times I cannot help but feel that I am slipping back down a mountain I have struggled so hard to climb. All in all, I have learned that my feelings are a poor indication of the work God is actually doing in my soul. I have come to believe that at every turn in the road, God is drawing us along the path, whether we are aware of it or not. My courage to accept the present and my hope to look toward the future come from remembering how God has used the circumstances of my past to achieve his purpose in my life.”

Weakness - not so bad

Once again, I was reminded of the gift of being weak and how much our society is depriving us of by teaching us that being self-reliant is something for which to strive and be proud. During the last snow storm a decent sized branch fell from one of my trees in the backyard, landing on the neighbor’s fence. (It didn’t knock it down but put a noticeable dent in the top rail.) I had pulled it off the fence, but hadn’t had time to clean up the mess. Last week, we were blessed with a couple of warm days so I decided to clean up the yard a bit. When I got to the backyard, I realized that unbeknownst to me, someone had cut up and hauled away my branch. What a gift! (If the generous soul is reading this blog – thank you!) Illness forced me to “need” people. Before that, I really didn’t know how to accept help, didn’t really see any reason to accept it since technically I could do it on my own. Why be a burden??? But, over the past 3 years, I’ve realized that letting other people help allows me to see the beauty in their generosity – it allows them to be beautiful. It gives them an opportunity to share God’s love. Before cancer, I rarely saw the beauty of others because I never gave them a chance, I never “needed” them (or so I thought). Truth is, I’ve always needed it, but pride wouldn’t let me appreciate it. So obviously, I hate being “weak” and my goal is to regain my strength and be able to do things for myself. But, I honestly hope that I never regain so much “strength” that I forget how to accept another’s help.

It's been 2 months since my last entry so thought I'd better try my hand at writing before google shuts down my account! I've had several people tell me that I need to update to let them know how it's going, so I'll try to do better – plus, when I need to activate all you prayer warriors, it will be much easier if I haven't let you go to sleep! :) Everything had been going very well which is why I guess it was so easy to lose contact. Don't have your feelings hurt that I've let communication drop – I can tell you that I do the same thing to God – not a good thing! When life is statusquo, I get all wrapped up in the day-to-day but it doesn't take much to send me running back to God when times get tough. Most days, I touch base just to let him know I'm still here, but some days that's all it is. For Lent, my resolution was to slow down, step back, improve communication and get more in touch with what God was calling me to do/be. Unfortunately, the “slow down” came quicker than I had imagined as I was dealt a harsh and ugly case of Influenza – YUCK. What a miserable set of days. As you know, the flu kills people every day so for me it's a bit of a reality check that nothing is ever “simple”. Then, KC got back to back snow storms which kept me home-bound another few days. At this point, I feel like I'm over the worst of it and praise God, it's leaving my chest much quicker than I anticipated. Lost my voice on Saturday, but at least the fever, aches and chest pain are gone! During the worst of it, I asked several of you to start praying for my recovery and I'm happy to report that the knowledge of all you sending up prayers on my behalf still brings me unbelievable peace. (Fever broke that very night!) I'll try to send more frequent notes and hopefully some pieces of Lenten inspiration now and again.

12-12-12; a landmark day

12-12-12 marks another step in the right direction – I am officially off all immunosuppressants. If things go well over the next 2 months, Dr Vose will start weaning me off most of the other medicines that I've been taking. Many many times over the past 3 years I've wondered if how I feel was due to everything that's happened and just something I'm going to need to deal with or a side effect of all the medicine. Guess I'll know pretty soon! Everything has been going really well – there's the occasional day when it's hard to drag myself out of bed, but that's now the exception rather than the rule. I can't really tell what condition my lungs are in but would guess that they haven't changed much. I'm able to take walks and play some sports so for that I'm very grateful! Thanksgiving was very nice. Since then work has been very busy, and Christmas is just around the corner. If all continues to go well, I might get Christmas cards sent out on time this year! In case I don't get another blog posted before then, I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas and that you are able to slow down long enough to enjoy the season. Blessings and miracles are all around us if we just take the time to block out the noise and look. Your prayers and support through this journey continue to be a huge blessing in my life! May “God bless us every one!”

Nov 2012

I had a request to get this updated before Nov 1, but unfortunately picked up a virus and have felt pretty crappy for the past 10 days. I obviously didn't feel much like blogging, but perhaps a greater reason that I didn't write is that I'd been feeling so good for 2 or 3 months, that I didn't want to write a “negative” blog. After each run of feeling good, seems harder and harder to slide back again. But, the good news is that I think I've turned the corner and am feeling better today! Since my last blog entry, I've been to Cincinnati for a great weekend with Keith, finished up a sand volleyball season and suffered through a lot of football games. My rejection meds have been decreased by about 50% and I seem to be tolerating that pretty well. I continue to be amazed at how well I feel and how much I've adapted to my “new normal”. Physically, I'm not there yet, but I still have hopes of being able to not only see, but hike, at the Grand Canyon and Mt Zion. Since winter is quickly approaching, I guess I'll have to do that training inside! Don't forget to vote, and pray that God will lead our country!

"For he will command His angels concerning you, to guard you in all your ways." ~ Psalm 91:11