Weakness - not so bad

Once again, I was reminded of the gift of being weak and how much our society is depriving us of by teaching us that being self-reliant is something for which to strive and be proud. During the last snow storm a decent sized branch fell from one of my trees in the backyard, landing on the neighbor’s fence. (It didn’t knock it down but put a noticeable dent in the top rail.) I had pulled it off the fence, but hadn’t had time to clean up the mess. Last week, we were blessed with a couple of warm days so I decided to clean up the yard a bit. When I got to the backyard, I realized that unbeknownst to me, someone had cut up and hauled away my branch. What a gift! (If the generous soul is reading this blog – thank you!) Illness forced me to “need” people. Before that, I really didn’t know how to accept help, didn’t really see any reason to accept it since technically I could do it on my own. Why be a burden??? But, over the past 3 years, I’ve realized that letting other people help allows me to see the beauty in their generosity – it allows them to be beautiful. It gives them an opportunity to share God’s love. Before cancer, I rarely saw the beauty of others because I never gave them a chance, I never “needed” them (or so I thought). Truth is, I’ve always needed it, but pride wouldn’t let me appreciate it. So obviously, I hate being “weak” and my goal is to regain my strength and be able to do things for myself. But, I honestly hope that I never regain so much “strength” that I forget how to accept another’s help.

It's been 2 months since my last entry so thought I'd better try my hand at writing before google shuts down my account! I've had several people tell me that I need to update to let them know how it's going, so I'll try to do better – plus, when I need to activate all you prayer warriors, it will be much easier if I haven't let you go to sleep! :) Everything had been going very well which is why I guess it was so easy to lose contact. Don't have your feelings hurt that I've let communication drop – I can tell you that I do the same thing to God – not a good thing! When life is statusquo, I get all wrapped up in the day-to-day but it doesn't take much to send me running back to God when times get tough. Most days, I touch base just to let him know I'm still here, but some days that's all it is. For Lent, my resolution was to slow down, step back, improve communication and get more in touch with what God was calling me to do/be. Unfortunately, the “slow down” came quicker than I had imagined as I was dealt a harsh and ugly case of Influenza – YUCK. What a miserable set of days. As you know, the flu kills people every day so for me it's a bit of a reality check that nothing is ever “simple”. Then, KC got back to back snow storms which kept me home-bound another few days. At this point, I feel like I'm over the worst of it and praise God, it's leaving my chest much quicker than I anticipated. Lost my voice on Saturday, but at least the fever, aches and chest pain are gone! During the worst of it, I asked several of you to start praying for my recovery and I'm happy to report that the knowledge of all you sending up prayers on my behalf still brings me unbelievable peace. (Fever broke that very night!) I'll try to send more frequent notes and hopefully some pieces of Lenten inspiration now and again.

12-12-12; a landmark day

12-12-12 marks another step in the right direction – I am officially off all immunosuppressants. If things go well over the next 2 months, Dr Vose will start weaning me off most of the other medicines that I've been taking. Many many times over the past 3 years I've wondered if how I feel was due to everything that's happened and just something I'm going to need to deal with or a side effect of all the medicine. Guess I'll know pretty soon! Everything has been going really well – there's the occasional day when it's hard to drag myself out of bed, but that's now the exception rather than the rule. I can't really tell what condition my lungs are in but would guess that they haven't changed much. I'm able to take walks and play some sports so for that I'm very grateful! Thanksgiving was very nice. Since then work has been very busy, and Christmas is just around the corner. If all continues to go well, I might get Christmas cards sent out on time this year! In case I don't get another blog posted before then, I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas and that you are able to slow down long enough to enjoy the season. Blessings and miracles are all around us if we just take the time to block out the noise and look. Your prayers and support through this journey continue to be a huge blessing in my life! May “God bless us every one!”

Nov 2012

I had a request to get this updated before Nov 1, but unfortunately picked up a virus and have felt pretty crappy for the past 10 days. I obviously didn't feel much like blogging, but perhaps a greater reason that I didn't write is that I'd been feeling so good for 2 or 3 months, that I didn't want to write a “negative” blog. After each run of feeling good, seems harder and harder to slide back again. But, the good news is that I think I've turned the corner and am feeling better today! Since my last blog entry, I've been to Cincinnati for a great weekend with Keith, finished up a sand volleyball season and suffered through a lot of football games. My rejection meds have been decreased by about 50% and I seem to be tolerating that pretty well. I continue to be amazed at how well I feel and how much I've adapted to my “new normal”. Physically, I'm not there yet, but I still have hopes of being able to not only see, but hike, at the Grand Canyon and Mt Zion. Since winter is quickly approaching, I guess I'll have to do that training inside! Don't forget to vote, and pray that God will lead our country!

"For he will command His angels concerning you, to guard you in all your ways." ~ Psalm 91:11

keep pushin'

Next week will be 2 years since I was packing up to leave Omaha after completing my 100 days – hard to believe. I think I'll go to Ohio to celebrate! Had a pretty good trip to Omaha today. We had lunch with a friend which was fun and all my labs looked good. (Side note – don't let anyone fool you about the wonders of electronic medical records – UNMC is updating their system and nothing transferred over. My visit took 3-4x as long and the nurse had to ask me my diagnosis and if I had any other medical history! Seriously?? There aren't enough hours in the day. She quickly realized that I wasn't going to provide her with a verbal rehash of the past 3 years so she's going to find the old records and manually transfer the info. They think it will be better in a YEAR!) Anyway, Dr Vose is ready to start weaning my anti-rejection med. I know that the medicine has side effects and I'm glad that she's that happy with my progress, but to be honest, it makes me a little nervous. The thought of going back into rejection is awful, not to mention the fact that my lungs can't take any more damage. After 2 years, I've finally reached a place where things seem to be “boring”and it's nice. I'd kind of like to stay here a little while. It's a good thing Dr Vose is here to push the envelope. Guess it's always good to have someone in your life to challenge you. When you get comfortable you get lazy, and then start falling behind. Seems like that's the case in all areas – I know its true in my spiritual life. As soon as things are going smoothly I start to slack on my quiet time, then the prayer quality goes down and before I know it, I'm completely out of touch with what really matters. Glad that God doesn't “move on” when we get busy and distracted.

A busy, hot summer

It's been pointed out to me that I am falling behind in the blog posting arena, and upon looking back, it's been 2 months since my last post – yikes! I wish I could say, “time flies when you're having fun”, but that's not really the case. I'm afraid it's the “hum drum” of normalcy, which isn't such a bad thing. Not much has changed in a positive or negative direction. I've been feeling good. Still struggling to regain my strength despite the limitations that my lungs present. I don't feel like I've really done much this summer. Not much energy to go out and do all the fun “summer” things, but I think that's primarily a result of the ridiculous heat. Guess we'll find out as the temps drop this fall. I signed up for fall volleyball which will be a good test. Work has been rather busy with vacations and all the kids needing physicals before school. And, the past 2 weeks have been pretty busy with meetings and various commitments, and ending with a nice visit from my sister and her kids. That was very fun and gave me an excuse to take a little time off work for something other than a trip to Omaha! This weekend I had planned to just relax and watch it rain – since the weathermen said we had a 90% chance of getting 1-3” - I did some relaxin', but no rain! Oh well, guess it hit west of here and the farmers probably need it worse than me. I don't have anything super inspirational to share. Just glad that God continues to be good and still amazed and grateful that I'm able to do everything that I can. I don't have to look far to discover that many people have it much worse than I do.

Lengthening the leash

The days keep clicking by, each one being more amazing than the prior according to the statisticians! Just finished up all my “2 year” checks in Omaha and things are still stable. Blood counts are all good, osteoporosis is not getting worse (maybe a little better in my spine), chest x-ray and lung tests look the same - like an 80 year old smoker. I honestly think it might have looked a little better 10 days ago, but I managed to pick up a cold that settled in my chest. Maybe it would have only looked like I had been smoking for 60 years ;) Oh well, doesn't really change anything, just a number on the paper. Dr Vose is going to try and stop my steroids so prayers that my body tolerates it would be greatly appreciated. I've been on them for about 9 months now which can't be helping the bones! Other than that, the transplant meds are messing with my cholesterol so I have to go see my primary care provider and discuss the possibility of more meds :( It's probably been a couple years since I even saw her, I'm sure she's going to love seeing my chart land on her desk! So, that's about it. I don't have to go back to Omaha until first of September as long as all goes well – maybe the heat wave will be gone by then!!!