Sunny days

It’s sunny, the flowers are blooming (weeds are growing) and I’m definitely feeling better this week than for the past few! It’s easier to talk and I’m no longer straining muscles in my back from coughing. To be honest, I don’t know if I’m “better” because I can’t really remember how I felt before all of this started in February. So I’m not sure if I’m back to my “new baseline” but at this point I’m just grateful to be progressively improving. One day at a time and try to make the most of each of them.

Not the best week...

So, it's been another set of not so great days. (Glad there was plenty of basketball on TV since I spent the weekend on the couch). Can't really figure out why, but it's once again become difficult to breathe or carry on a conversation. It's the worst in the morning and then gradually seems to loosen up throughout the day with lots of coughing (I feel bad for my co-workers, esp those that share my office). I don't have a fever, sore throat or any other aches and pains that you would expect to accompany a virus so not really sure what triggered the set back this time. Dr Vose decreased my steroids a little bit when I saw her last week so maybe that's it. Who knows?!! (Yes, I did contact Omaha to see if they know, but am not expecting to hear anything earth-shattering). While I wait to hear back from them, I guess I'll keep doing what I do which is push on. Not sure that there's any other option to be honest. And things could be a lot worse – I could write a list a mile long of situations which would be worse. Top of that list would have to be losing my faith or questioning God's sovereignty. There's no way that I could get up every morning and face the challenges of the day if I didn't believe in something greater, that there was a plan beyond my comprehension, that suffering could have a purpose. My prayers always go out to those experiencing tough times - that they will feel God's presence and be given faith beyond measure. Through all of this, I've come to realize that in the big picture, that gift is much more valuable than any dose of healing.

March 13

I'm back from Omaha, but not much to report. It was a beautiful day and we were able to take a nice walk outside while killing time between appointments. Almost hard to remember all the days that we took that walk pushing an IV poll! All my labs are “normal” (glad something is!) and they still think that my troubles over the past month were due to the flu which in turn complicated the GVHD. No new treatments to try – just continue watching closely and report any changes ASAP. I didn't repeat my lung function tests today so they weren't able to give me any objective numbers but thought I was doing well. So that being said, guess I'll go back to “doing what I do” - which will include watching a lot of basketball over the next few weeks and returning to my germophobic, neurotic hand washing state. I can't afford to pick anything else up – need to be healthy for Easter!

97% !!!

I am happy to say that I feel like I finally turned a corner this week and have been feeling much better! Today I checked my oxygen saturation and it was 97% - much better than the 80’s of last week! I actually made it to the fitness room a couple times this week – didn’t do much and definitely have a long way to go, but at least I had the energy to try. And yesterday I was blessed with the opportunity to go to the Big 12 tournament and watch MU play – so much fun and so nice to have some “normalcy” again. Tomorrow morning is the big Healing Mass for the diocese (done as it is in Lourdes) so hopefully I'll actually be able to sing praises to our God. If anyone wants to join, let me know.
I go back to Omaha next Tuesday for a recheck with the pulmonologist and Dr Vose – I pray that they look at me with complete bewilderment and say, “I don’t know what happened – looks like a miracle!” :)

"For with God nothing shall be impossible". ~Luke 1:37

Made it home!

Mom and I survived our little overnight adventure (and I got a new toothbrush out of the deal) but Tuesday didn't go exactly as planned. We did make it home late Tuesday evening, but not without a little suspense. The doctors said that the bronchoscopy went “well” but my lungs must not have agreed because after the procedure, my oxygen levels were in the low 80's! I guess the fluid they used to “lavage” my lungs interfered with the oxygen exchange and I wasn't able to clear it out as well as others. So I spent 4-5 hours on oxygen waiting for my sats to improve. At about 4:30, the resident was in the room, saw 91% on the monitor for a couple minutes and said “good enough” and let me go home. I'm not real sure that the numbers would have stayed there if we had left the monitor on for much longer, but I was ready to go home so wasn't complaining. This morning, when I got to work, my O2 sats were back in the upper 80's-low 90's but by this afternoon, I was feeling better and they were solidly in the mid-90's! The early results of the specimens they collected looked “good” - no signs of fungal or viral infection so they're presuming that the shortness of breath I've been experiencing is due to a flare of GVHD. (The treatment for that is to stay on all the meds I'm currently taking, plus increasing the steroids) They won't have final results for a week or more so the waiting continues. I'll go back to Omaha in 2 weeks and this time we'll probably pack an overnight bag – just in case!

Still in Omaha

It's been a long day and at the end of it the pulmonologist wanted to do a bronchoscopy to try and determine if the recent set-backs are due to an infection or worsening of the GVHD. So, tomorrow morning I'll have the scope and then will hopefully be able to come home - won't get results for a couple days. Not exactly in the plan, but glad that they're able to get it done quickly - did I mention that neither Mom nor I packed ANYTHING? Good times.

We will rise!

There's a song that speaks to me and I heard it again today. While it was playing I thought, I need to figure out who sings it so that I can find the lyrics. At the end of the song, the DJ said, “ and if you want the lyrics to this song, just go to our webpage and click on the right hand side...”. So, figured that was a sign that I should share them on the blog – perhaps more for me than for anyone. They're such a good reminder that we will overcome all that this life throws at us. Maybe not today or tomorrow, or even in the way that we'd like, but we WILL rise out of these ashes. Tomorrow I head to Omaha to try and figure out what's going on in my lungs, I pray for encouraging news, but if not, I'll have the message of this blog to fall back on:
“Well I keep on coming to this place That I don't know quite how to face...
Sometimes my heart is on the ground And hope is nowhere to be found
Love is a figment I once knew And yet I hold on to what I know is true
Yes I will rise, Out of these ashes, rise...
Cause He who is in me Is greater than I will ever be
And I will rise”
~Shawn McDonald