Entry 3 – read below to start at beginning!

Wednesday – another day in the hospital but today I really feel like I've turned the corner. My fever did not come back last night so I am past 48 hours of no fever! I talked with the pulmonologist this morning and she was optimistic. Still feels like everything I've experienced is bacterial in nature rather than GVHD or cancer... So now we are just waiting on the culture results to start coming back so that they can start weaning the IV antibiotics and start putting me back on oral antibiotics and then discuss sending me home! Waiting is so hard and I know that we all do it every day but despite all the practice, I never seem to get any better at it. I do, however, feel like I am able to wait in peace and not in a state of anxiety or worry so that is a true blessing. I heard someone ask one time whether we wait for God or with God and I think the answer is both. I definitely feel his presence with me as I wait for his perfect timing.
Post note – as you figured out, what I thought was a “God thing” yesterday turned out to be too good to be true. The transport guy thought he had me connected to the internet yesterday but I let him out of the room before I tried navigating to any other sites. It was only then that I realized I still wasn't connected. This is the first time I've had an extended stay in the hospital without access to the internet or way to update my blog and I'm finding it very difficult!
2 hours later: I just figured out that my computer will stay connected for about 20 seconds before it loses connection so if I work really fast I can get a blog posted. So I don't really have access, but I kind of do. If anyone out there is a computer guru and has any idea why my computer can't authenticate, let me know. The nurse assistant looked at it this morning and thought it looked my firewall was blocking the connection so she tried turning it off, but that obviously didn't work. Wonder if a virus could be causing this grief??

Tuesday update

So you don't have to look hard in your life to find a “God thing” and I'm going to share just a couple before I continue with today's entry. Yesterday, my parents were in route from Cinci so weren't at the hospital until the evening but a good friend that works part time at this hospital got called in to work so she was able to pop in a couple times -bringing a smile and friendly face.
I had planned to post a blog yesterday but couldn't get my computer to log on to the wifi, well I don't know anything about technology and my nurses didn't know and you all know what the help desk folks at a hospital have to offer (and it's not computer assistance). So, I had resigned to the fact that I wouldn't have email or internet access during this hospital stay. This morning, the transport guy came to my room to take me for my CT and my mom asked if he knew of anyone in the hospital that might be able to help us. Turns out that what he's in school for so he had me connected in about 2 minutes.
OK, so now to the update. (what I would have posted Monday if I had had internet access is below so you might wish to read that first) Yesterday went ok. Spiked a fever of 103+ around lunch but haven't had one since. Slept pretty well all things considered. This morning my labs are improving (WBC dropping for those who care/know). Talked to pulmonology who recommended a CT of my lungs along with a bronchoscopy (tube into my lungs to look around and then culture the pneumonia to look for scary things) so I'll get both those things today. That's good because more info will hopefully speed my release but bad because I can't eat or drink until I have the bronch and that's not scheduled until 2. Ughh. I should have eaten more dinner or woken up early for breakfast! So that's what I know today. Will update again tomorrow!

He sent forth his word and healed them; he rescued them from the grave. ~Psalm 107:20

Monday update

Well, things aren't going the best so looks like I'm going to be back to fairly regular blogs (but hopefully not too long!). So I was feeling so much better and then last week things started going south again. Went to the doctor on Wednesday, diagnosed with pneumonia, started back on antibiotics. Followed up on Friday – I was still running fevers, but my doctor thought everything was trending in the right direction so I just stayed the course. I had a pretty crappy weekend, things kind of stopped improving and I was still running fevers on Sunday so my doctor said I needed to go to the hospital. She tried to put me at Menorah (where I could just be directly admitted), but they refused to take me due to the complexity of my life, so I had to go to a different hospital and enter through the Emergency Room. Oh my gosh – thank God I don't have to do that too often! ER's are so gross. First impressions were some young guys peeing in the parking lot and when I got in, their friend was puking in the ER. The waiting area was kind of dirty – they don't wipe anything down in the triage area between patients,. So, being the germ-freak that I am, I requested the nurse wipe everything down before I was triaged and then pleaded for anyplace to wait besides the waiting room! It took about 2-3 hours to get out of the waiting area and a total of 9 hours before I finally got to my room! Ridiculous. Thank God for a selfless friend who volunteered to sit with me in that suss pool – if she hadn't been there, I think I would have left which would not have been a good idea. I just know I'm going to pick up something worse than I already have from the ER. Anyway, that is over but, I'm a little tired today after only 4hours of sleep last night. Now that I'm in the hospital, it's very nice. Everyone is friendly and they seem to be creating a plan but doesn't look like it's going to be a fast process. I'll try to give at least a short update each day until I get discharged. As always, big thanks for everyone's prayers – that is truly the best gift you can give. As I've read all the uplifting notes and verses it brings such a peace and the tears that come with that sort of peace. I'll share just a few.
Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us. ~Ephesians 3:20
For the eyes of the Lord are over the righteous and his ears open to their prayers. ~1 Peter 3:12

continued...

I've attached the "to be continued" to the bottom of the previous blog so see below...

March Madness

I hate that lately I only actually get around to blogging when things aren't going the best, I've procrastinated posting about how great the first 2 months of the year have been or how blessed I was to be able to take my first “warm vacation” since 2009. Key West with great friends was a perfect way to end February (especially since it allowed me to miss some nasty KC weather). But, as I said, I didn't manage to get a happy blog posted so now it will have to wait. A week or so ago I started with what seemed like an innocent cold – but in the back of my mind, I knew better - none are innocent for me. Last week was a bit of a roller coaster with a bad day followed by a good day. Just enough good to keep me from getting too worried. By Friday the ball dropped, and my oxygen levels were low enough to get me admitted to the hospital, but I didn't want to go to the hospital. I know what the hospital offers and I was already doing all those things: fluids – check, breathing treatments – check, steroids – check, antibiotics – check. In my pessimistic view of the world, the only thing the hospital was going to offer me was lack of good rest and exposure to a bunch of additional germs. Probably not the wisest, but decided I was sticking to my plan until Monday – if not better, I'd go to the hospital. I'm not going to lie, the past 3 days have been rough, especially the mornings. I've spent a lot of time on my knees and have shed plenty of tears. Tears of frustration, tears of fear, tears from hearing the voice of your mom, tears from the feeling of going completely broken before our Lord. God always gives us the help we need, but in the middle of the storm it can still feel pretty hopeless. I know that it will get better, or it won't and there's not much I can do to affect that. As a good friend reminded me today, we all know who's managing this ride and it's no one on this earth. To be continued.....

Update: March 25. Sunday evening after writing the above post, my lungs seemed to relax and open up, and I've been slowly feeling better since then - yea, praise God! I'm definitely not 100% but feel like the tide has turned. It's frustrating to think about the future because once I get a cough like this it seems to take 2 months to go away, so I'm going to not think about how long it will take for this to go away and instead try to be content/grateful for today (a day where I'm able to go to work and am not on oxygen!)

Year End Review

Well, it's way past time for an update and to be honest, with the unpredictable time between updates, I'm not sure if anyone checks this blog anymore. I half wondered if it had been shut down by Google but was relieved to find that it was still active, so I guess I'll update. Since we just celebrated the New Year, (and I didn't get a Christmas letter sent) a 2013 summary would probably be a good place to start. Overall, 2013 was full of conquering doubts and getting back to life. It didn't start the best as I caught the flu in February – it was terrible with a capital “T”. Seemed like it took forever to get my energy back and stop coughing, but with warmer weather, my cough finally left. In May I was able to travel to Cincinnati to see Lisa and Keith – it was a fun trip full of games, flowers and unwelcome wildlife. In June I took my first trip to the NW visiting Cindy and TJ in Seattle – nice city but too overcast for me. While there we drove to Lake Coeur d’Alene to watch a friend compete in an Iron Man – what an amazing/crazy demonstration of human endurance! Last summer I also restarted some greatly missed activities – sand volleyball, playing in the CCS softball league (successful with only a couple accommodations), and water skiing. Mom and Dad tried convincing me to start with 2 skis, but I stubbornly insisted on only 1. If I was going to do it, I wanted to do it the way I enjoyed and it was a success – first pull! Hopefully I'll make it to the lake more than once in 2014. At the end of the summer I traveled back to Cincinnati for a little canoe trip and to watch the AVP tournament – yet another great demonstration of the human body. :) The fall was beautiful this year and I was fortunate enough to travel back to Seattle to meet Baby Rothwell. And then before I knew it, we were at the end of the year. Everyone came home for Christmas so that was fun but I could do without this cold weather! I caught a cold the end of November and I still haven't managed to kick the cough – I guess with my lungs, this might become a permanent fixture of the winter for me. Just another reason that I'm anxious for spring to arrive. I just got back from my 6 month check in Omaha – all continues to look good and she said next year I might be able to decrease my visits to yearly!! As the days and months fly by, I try very hard to remain thankful. Thankful for my health, my faith and the people put in my life to be my strength when I need it most. I'm also thankful to the all-knowing God that cares for me in all my failings and has given me another year. Happy 2014! (PS - I tried to include a picture, but this blog isn't cooperating!! Better luck next time)

Don't wait

So, here's my random thoughts for the day. (I have lots of them, but only a select few seem to have a point and actually get written down). Last week I realized yet another reason why my 99 year old neighbor, Becky, is such a great role model and motivation. When I met her, she was 87. Over the years, there have been decisions that I wondered about. When Becky said that she wanted to recarpet her house, buy a new car, get a new hip, hang new blinds...many people’s first reaction was “why?” – you’re 90+. If Becky had put everything on hold because she wasn't sure “how long her future would last”, she'd have spent the past 15 years stuck at home in a rundown house with old carpet and not able to walk. More often, instead of having Becky’s proactive outlook we hear the opposite, “I'd have taken better care of myself if I'd known I was going to live this long.” I have to admit, that I never used to put things off like that, but now, I'm not doing much “planning for the future.” I catch myself failing to do something with long term implications because I doubt how long my “future” will last. For example, this week I have an appointment with a new specialist to discuss my osteoporosis. My true feeling about the visit is “why bother, am I really going to be here long enough for it to matter?”. I want to treat each day as a gift and live it to the full – none of us know how long we’ll be here. I need to continue to take care of myself - acting like I'll live to be 100. I’ve already figured out that God doesn't always stick to the plan. We shouldn’t wait to do something just because we may only have a month, a year, 5 years to live. The opposite is also true, just because you think you have 50 years to live, don't wait to make your life what you want it to be. If you ultimately hope to be a joyful person that serves others and enjoys life, don't wait to get started. So I guess that's the bottom line of my random thought – whether you fail to plan because you think it's not necessary, or fail to plan because you're procrastinating and think there's always tomorrow, stop waiting! There's no better time than the present. Your legacy starts today ............................... “Be dressed, ready for service and keep your lamps burning, like men waiting for their master to return... If the owner of the house had known at what hour the thief was coming, he would not have let his house be broken into. You also must be ready because the Son of Man will come at an hour when you do not expect him.” ~Luke 12:35-36, 39-40